


Kerosene Dreams

by WinterSnow10



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, As in self harm, Blackmail, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Falling In Love, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, I'm sure they aren't in real life, M/M, Marco centric, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Smut, Some people are pricks, Team as Family, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-01 14:35:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 22,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8628271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterSnow10/pseuds/WinterSnow10
Summary: Marco has fallen out of favour with his current club, he has to make a choice when the one club he swore he would never join is the only one that can pay his price.





	1. Chapter 1

"Marco Reus has apparently fallen out of favour with current club Borussia Dortmund. The winger, who has been dealing with injury since his national side lost to France in the European tournament this Summer. Borussia Dortmund and Reus refused to comment", the sky news reporter announced before Marco turned his tv off.

His phone buzzed as the blond walked into bedroom, Marco swiped a thumb through Mats' face.

"Is it true?", Mats questioned.

"Somebody's been watching sky, but yes it's true they don't want me anymore as of yesterday I've been put on sale, for a hefty price", Marco answered as he rubbed his temples.

"Did you know that Bayern have just made an offer?".

"No, Mats, no. I said anywhere but there, everybody will hate me", Marco sighed.

"You haven't been on Facebook or Twitter, fans are sickened by your treatment, so are even suggesting that you come to Bayern. If you ask me Bayern are the only club that could pay that much', Mats admitted" If that happened you could stay with me until you find a house, I know you hate hotels".

"Hold up, we have to see what happens, I might stay you never know", Marco mumbled.

"Mar, think about it, this is your future".

"When did you become all mothering, I'll call you later I have to go to a meeting to decide on that future you mentioned", Marco grinned before Mats hung up.

After a quick shower and throwing on some decent clothes he went down and got into his car that he could finally drive. The radio informed Marco of more information, Bayern had made a bid, amount undisclosed. Marco swallowed once he parked ouside of the training ground, his agent was already there.

Most of the meeting passed and when Marco finally heard the words he'd been waiting for a lump caught in his throat

"We have recived six transfer offers for you from: Manchester United, Manchester City, Real Madrid, Barcalona, Arsenal and Bayern Munich. All of them have come with full offers and what you would earn, you can read through these over night if you wish or if you know where you would wish to relocate to in England or Spain, then please inform me. We have a press conference scheduled for Tuesday", Tuchel said.

Marco knew that he wasn't going to England or Spain, his family was in Germany, he wasn't going to leave them because he kept getting injured. He made his decision as he took one file. Bayern were offering a two year contract.

"England or Spain? Pretty sure Bayern are in Germany, I've made my decision, I'm staying in Germany and I'm going to a club that can value me when I'm at my prime and one that would step over me when I'm injured", Marco smirked as sighed the contract.

"Don't make a rash decision, this is your future", his agent reminded.

"Oh don't worry, my future is going to be bright and prosperous, you won't be involved as of now I represent myself", Marco delcareds".

Marco pushed his hands into his jumper pockets as he walked out to his car, taking in the training ground one last time. Once he back in the warmth of his car Marco rested his head against the steering wheel. The blond felt the tears bite at the corner of his eyes when he called Mats.

"I'm going to need you to come and help me pack my shit up, I can't face them, any of them", Marco whispered.

"Who's did you take, four other clubs have released statements?".

"Bayern, my family are in Germany I'm not leaving this place", Marco admitted.

"I'll be up as soon as I can, probably Wednesday. You'll need to tell the guys", Mats answered.

"I know, I'll take that room if you're still offering?".

"Course I am, Mar".

"I'm going to head home now, keep it quiet will you, we're going to announce it on Tuesday, to the world", Marco anounced.

"I'll be up on Monday, that's the next flight, I could drive up if you want, it'd only take six and a half hours", Mats laughed.

"It's fine I can wait a few days. I'll just stay on my own, don't come up ".

Mats knew by the tone of Marco's voice that the winger needed somebody.

"Not happening, I'll see you tonight, I'll bring dinner", Mats offered before he hung up.

Marco pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance, why did his life always get turned upside down when it had just gotten good again. Marco groaned as he glanced at the clock and realised that it wouldn't be until after 8pm when Mats would get to his house.

"Fuck this', Marco cursed as he looked around car park that was slowly filling with players and coaches ahead lf the team training, that Marco wouldn't be attending. 

On the journey back to his house Marco did nothing to stop the tears falling, he just drove. Once he pulled up to door he left the car and managed to unlock the door before he collapsed against the hard wood door. 

"Why, why is this happening", he asked himself before he regained composure and regulated his breathing.

Once he was steady on his feet, Marco moved to the kitchen and sat at the island with the bottle of whisky that was sitting there with a tumbler.

"To fucking Dortmund', Marco chuckled before he drank down the amber liquid, the burn neipped down his throat before it settled with another glass followed by another.

By the time Marco stopped the room was spinning and he knew he wasn't standing straight. Somehow the winger managed to stagger into his room before he collapsed on the crumpled bed sheets. 

It felt like minutes had passed when Marco woke but in reality it had been closer 7pm. The pain in his head was dull and present and his face was hot to the touch. He groane in pain as he moved his stiff joints before deciding that a hot shower followed by a cold one would help him sober up a bit.

He held onto the walls as he moved to the bathroom and fiddeled with the taps until the water billowed out with steam soon filling the room. Marco stood under the hot spray for a few minutes before massaged the body was into his stiff joints before he rinsed it off along with the shampoo that was scrunched in his hair. Marco turned the hot tap off leaving just an icy spray of water pellting against his red skin. Once he turned off the tap he stood there for a few minutes before he wrapped a towel around his waist and ran one through his hair.

When Marco caught sight of his reflection in the mirror he took in the dark purple circles under his eyes and his blood shot eyes. Marco walked closer to inspect himself.

"Pathetic, no wonder they want to get rid of you", something inside of Marco's head screamed.

The next thing Marco knew was the searing pain in his knuckles and the sound of glass hitting the porcelain sink. The winger watched as ribbons of blood flowed down from his knuckles onto his fingers.

"Fuck", Marco shouted as he ran cold over over his hand right hand.

Once he had the bleeding under control he moved to the bed room to get dressed before he walked into the kitchen to find a bandage to wrap around his hand. He seen the bottle of whisky half empty on the island and put the cap back on before he moved it to the cupboard. His phone dinged with a message but Marco ignored it in favour of cleaning up and to make sure that he didn't look like he'd just woken up.

"Reus, you better not be asleep in there, I've just drove six and a half hours for you and bought you food. Marco", Mats called as he bagged on the door.

Marco scrubbed a hand over his face before he went to go let Mats in.

"Hope Chinese is alright I couldn't get through to you earlier", Mats said as he followed the shorter man into the kitchen.

"It's fine", Marco answered as he got two plates and that was when Mats caught sight of the bandage.

"What happened, earlier I mean?", Mats questioned as they sat down across from each other.

"Manchester City and Untied, Real Madrid, Arsenal, Barcelona and Bayern made offers. Dortmund want to get as much money as they wanted out of this put my price sky high. Thomas said a few things along the lines of, injury prone and they recently got back what they've been missing. Oh I fired my manager as well",Marco replied as he began eating leaving Mats to process everything.

"Marco, you know I'm happy for you, have you told any of the others?".

"Nope, Mats can I ask you something?".

"Of course".

"Am I just not good enough, did they get rid of me because Mario came back", the name was still sour in him mouth.

"Marco Reus, don't ever say you are not good enough because you're brilliant. I don't know why they are doing what they are doing but Götze, he can fuck right off', Mats grumbled.

"Do you think the guys will want me down there?".

"Anybody that doesn't will have me, Thomas, Manu and mostly Fips deal with so they can try".

"I don't know what to tell the others. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do", Marco ground his teeth together.

"We'll figure this out, you, me and everybody else that cares about your well being because this is the best choice for you. You know that you could do anything and I'd still be standing right beside you".

"I know, but how do I tell the others?".

"You can either do it face to face or you can send the a text".

"I'll send it to them, Marco added as he twirled his phone in his hand.

"I wanted to let you guys know that I won't be staying at the club and that I've accepted an offer. Thanks for all the good memories and good luck with everything", Marco read out before he sent it to the group chat.

With in seconds messages were coming in but Marco egnored them before he left the group, his stomach in knots. Apparently his team mates got the message because they didn't text him.

"I can't wait for this to be over", Marco sighed before he began to eat.

Mats frowned when he noticed the bandage again but decided it would be best to stay quiet, Marco had enough to deal with.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some could call this an au but I'm not. Some things will be changed from how theyou happened in real life, just so you know.

The whole of Monday passed in a blur of packing box after box of his possessions. Marco had called a storage facility near where Mats lived because there was no way that Marco could bring all of his stuff to the apartment. The press conference loomed and Marco felt his stomach drop at the thought of it.

"You'll be fine, do you want me to go with you?", Mats asked as he handed the winger a cup of coffee.

"They won't let you in".

"Marco, I know ever inch of that place, you want me to go?".

Marco nodded wearily as he took a gulp of the bitter liquid.

"Is it wrong that I'm scared?", Marco questioned.

"No, I was terrified. Just think about it, fifteen minutes is all it takes. Then you're fine".

"I'm never going to be fine, Mats. I feel like I'm letting everybody down", Marco whispered.

"Fuck everyone else, they said they didn't want you. You're leaving, they forced your hand. Marco, you're not letting anybody down of anything you're showing them how strong you are. Even the team are on your side, they understand why this is happening".

"How can they understand when I don't? I have no clue what's fucking happening and it scares me", Marco admitted.

"Well, it's Dortmund's loss", Mats smiled softly" we should get going you said it starts at 2".

The car ride was quiet, the radio the only noise between the two of them.

"We have unconfirmed reports that Marco Reus has signed for Bayern Munich, his former clubs arch rivals for the Bundisliga silverware", Marco promptly switched the radio off.

His breath caught in his throat and he felt like his lungs were on fire. Short painful breaths escaped from his thin lips as Mats pulled into the training ground.

"Mar, you just gotta breathe, it'll be over soon I promise", Mats said as he got out of the car.

Marco followed him, nervously rubbing the short sides of his hair as he walked into the building. He walked through the corridor where he stood outside of the door.

"They're in there, I can hear them", the blond mumbled.

"They are, I'll be out here when you're ready", Mats promised as Marco walked into the room.

Camera flashes filled his eyes as Marco took a seat next to Thomas, beside him was another official.

"We will take a few questions before Mr. Reus reads his final statement", the man beside Marco announced as be pointed to a woman.

"The main reason you choose Bayern Munich, was it to get back at your former employers?", the woman asked.

"No, the reason I choose Bayern Munich is because my family are in Germany, Germany is my home and who knows in the future I might go to England or Spain, but for the moment I'm staying here", Marco answered with a slight waver in his voice.

The woman pursed her lips, obviously unhappy with the answer she got but Marco didn't really care.

"How do your team mates feel about this predicament?", a man with black hair asked.

"Most of them are happy for me, at the end of the day we will still be contact with each other".

"You must be saddened by the fact that you won't share a half with Mario Götze?", the same man asked.

"Not really", Marco said.

This recived a few raised eyebrows, shit Marco thought to himself.

"What I mean is, once I'm fit I hope to be able to regained my place on the National team, because Löw seems to value me. Hopefully then I'll be able to play along side him, if he keeps a place", Marco smiled.

"Are you looking forward to a reunion with Lewandowski? He has, after all spoken out against your treatment by the club", a woman asked, her face kind and inquisitive.

"I'm looking forward to a reunion with all of my new teammates especially the guys from the national team. But yes I'm very happy to be able to play beside Robert again", Marco smiled genuinely 

"That's all the questions for now, Marco, you're final statement as a Borussia Dortmund player?", Thomas addressed Marco for the first time.

"First of all, I'd just like to thank every player, coach and my previous manager for giving me so many fond memories of the club. Thanks to the kind and warm atmosphere at the club it never felt like a job to me it was simply playing what I loved with people I love in special ways. I want to thank the fans for picking us up at our lowest points and celebrating our wins with us. But I also what to take this time to say thank you to the people at Bayern for giving me a chance and for believing in me when others wouldn't", Marco hiccuped as a few tears slipped out from the corners of his eyes" Thank you".

Cameras flashed as Marco got up and walked out of the door, Mats was standing up against a wall smiling at his phone before he caught sight of the blond.

"I need to leave", Marco cracked before he hugged Mats.

"Of course, I have a surprise waiting for you back at your house", Mats grinned.

"Tell me what it is", Marco demanded playfully as he wiped the tears from his eyes as they walked back to the car.

"You'll see him soon enough", Mats smiled as a faint blush appeared and Marco knew straight away who it was.

"Benni?", Marco guessed.

"Fuck it, how did you know?", Mats asked as he called the Schalke captain.

"You still blush when you talk about him", Marco laughed as they were connected.

"I do not", Mats frowned.

"What's up Matsi?", Benni asked.

"How did you get into my house?", Marco wondered.

"Mats, did you blush, I swear", Benni grumbled.

"I don't blush".

"Sure you don't, by the way Marco, I got into your house because you told every single national team player where you keep your spare key", Benni laughed.

"I was drunk", Marco mumbled as Mats pulled out of the car park.

"I know, Erwin everything will be set up okay, love you bye",Benni hung up.

"Schalke mascot, really?".

"Shut up". But Marco didn't know what Benni brought with him


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So some things will be changed from how they happened in real life. I don't know weather or not to tag it as au, you tell me. I also take requests for other works so if you want to give me one leave it below.

"You got me a dog?", Marco asked in disbelief as Benni handed him a Beagle pup.

"Well yes, the two of us thought that you needed a cute little ray of sunshine to brighten up your life", Mats admitted as he scratched behind the pups ear.

"You're leaving me in charge of a dogs life? Are you mad what if the place I move into doesn't allow animals?".

"Then you find a house or apartment that does", Benni deadpanned.

"How did you find him anyway?", Marco wondered as the pup nestled in his arms.

"I found him wondering around ouside my house, I brought him to the vet, he's up to date on all of his injections and everything", the Schalke captain answered" I also brought food and toys and a bed and everything you'll need for the perfect little fella".

"Does he have a name?".

"I just called him Erwin but I don't think you'll call him that", Benni laughed.

"Yeah, not happening. How about Woody?", Marco cocked his head.

"He's not brown".

"What do ya think bub, Star? Patches? Buster?", the last one recived a lick on the hand from the pup.

"Buster it is", Mats grinned.

"When are you leaving?", Benni asked softly.

"Tomorrow, I'm keeping this place though. It's going to be so weird playing with Thomas, Manu and Fips full time, once I get through this thing", Marco indicated to his leg.

"How long do they think you'll be out this time?".

"A few months at least we'll see what the doc thinks at my check up", Marco mumbled as his phone buzzed.

Marco absent-mindedly swiped his thumb across the screen, not bothering to look at the caller ID.

"Reus", he answered.

"Marco", a sickeningly sweet voice said and Marco wanted to get sick.

Marco gently put the now sleeping pup onto the sofa. He felt like the life had drained out of him. He looked at Mats, who frowned, he was the only person to have any idea about what happened.

"What do you want?", Marco asked shakily.

"I heard what you said in your good bye statement. I will keep my spot on the National team you might not though since tou can't go a few months without getting injured", Mario laughed.

"Marco, just hang up on him", Mats urged once he realised who it was.

Marco sighed defeatedly before he handed the phone to Mats, who clenched his fist in anger.

"You listen here Götze, if you so much as come near Marco I will make you and your pathetic life pay. Do you understand me?", Mats growled down the line before he hung up.

A thick silence fell over the room as Marco focused on running his fingers through Buster's short fur.

"Does somebody want to tell me what just happened?", Benni asked.

"It's not up for me to tell you", Mats answered as he placed a hand on Marco's shaking shoulder.

"Mario has a video of me, completely drunk off my arse and I said a few things in it. When he told everybody that he was coming back to Dortmund, he said he wanted me to do things with him. Things that I didn't want to do. He said that he'd release the video if I don't do what he wants", Marco explained.

"Did he try to do something inappropriate?", Benni asked, this reminded him so much of the conversation he had with Meyer.

"He didn't rape me if that's what your asking",Marco answered and Benni let a breath out that he didn't know he was holding.

"What did you say in the video?".

"If it gets released my whole career is over".

"You said you were gay?", Benni wanted to be sure.

Marco nodded before he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Marco, it's not like any of the guys playing for Bayern, Dortmund or even the national team will care the majority of them are to put it bluntly fucking like rabbits", Mats sighed.

"Sure they already know, you're worried about all the abuse you'd get from rival fans aren't you".

"Of course I am, I'm not stupid",Marco muttered.

"Who knows about the video?".

"You, me, Mats and him",Marco can't bear to say his name.

"Don't worry, nobody else will know", Mats promised.

 

A little while later the three of them were sitting on the couch watching some film that Mats had found on Netflix. Marco had the puppy nestled softly on his latest his finger deftly running through its fur. Marco's phone binged with a text.

"Shh, we're getting to the best part", Mats groaned from where he was curled around a napping Benni.

From Lewy: I'm looking forward to playing with you too.

To Lewy: How's things down South. Are you sure you want to play beside me again?.

A few minutes passed before Marco recived another text.

From Lewy: Some of my best moments came when I was playing with you.

To Lewy: Alright Mr. I single handedly destroyed Wolfsburg.

From Lewy: I got lucky. I'm sorry for the way your were treated by the way. How's the leg?.

To Lewy: Not too bad, have to wait and see what the doctor says.

From Lewy: You'll come back from it, you always do. Stronger and better.

To Lewy: Thanks Lew, I'll see you soon.

Marco locked his phone and put it down on the table before he went back to watching the movie about crazy sheep.

"He had sex with a sheep, made crazy hybrids that eat people and terrorised his brother. Mats where do you find this weird shit?", Benni asked.

"Maybe it would'very made more sense of you didn't sleep through it", Mats fired back.

Marco had to laugh causing the two of them to turn to him.

"What, you two are arguing like an old married couple. Well you are old", Marco grinned.

Mats stuck his tongue out before he darted forward and messed up Marco's hair.

"Mats Julian Hummels, do not touch my fucking hair", Marco cursed as he ran his fingers through it, trying to get it back to its original place.

"What are you going to do beat me? Bad news Reus, you're stuck with me, Thomas, Manu, Boa and Fips for the next two years", Mats reminded him.

"They don't touch my hair", Marco pouted.

"No Thomas just turns it pink", Benni replied bitterly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm also not very sure about this chapter but I think it will work in the long run. Let me know what you think below.


	4. Chapter 4

"Is that it?", Mats asked as they put the last box into storage.

"Yeah, a little bird told me that you were planning on having a few drinks with friends later'", Marco grinned.

Mats cursed"Was it Thomas?".

"For once, no. It was Manu, having names that start with the same first two letters must've been confusing", Marco answered before he locked the door unit.

"Yeah, it's just me, you, Manu, Thomas and Josh., Fips and Robert are busy so you're going to have to wait to see them", Mats announced before he got in to the car.

"Josh?".

"Kimmich, the little guy that really liked denying you during the cup final", Mats explained" he doesn't like when people call him Joshua, cause usually that means he's in trouble".

"Alright then, you going to bring me home?", Marco asked with a smirk.

"It'd be my pleasure", Mats laughed as he started the car.

The journey to Mats' apartment was a rather boring affair the two men talking about random things.

"How long was it before you found this place?", Marco wondered when they walked in.

Within seconds all Marco heard was nails scratching against the hard wood floor. Mats' golden yellow beauty was at his feet licking the underside of his hand when Buster let out a little squeak. According to Benni he was about 3 to 4 months old.

"Hey, did ya miss me? Did ya?", Mats received an excited bark in response before he scratched behind the dog's ear.

"You need to get a life, talking to your dog",Marco laughed.

Mats the well behaved grown man that he is, stuck is tongue out at the blond.

"To answer your question not long, my brother lives literally about 100 meters down that way", Mats pointed out the now closed door.

"You have food right?".

"Yes Marco, I to am human. I need to eat food to survive", Mats answered.

"Alright Mr. Sarcastic should be my middle name instead of Julian".

"Do you want food or not because I don't want half of my lunch burnt", Mats fired back." You go unpack in the other room, I will cook. Is that all right with you, your majesty?".

"Perfectly fine, servant", Marco cackled as he walked into the spare room.

Once he had unpacked his suitcase and flopped on the bed because of sheer exhaustion because unpacking was hard.

"Are you coming out to eat this or what?", Mats shouted as he placed two bowls of whatever concoction he had made this time, on the table.

"Yeah, give me a minute", Marco retorted as he pulled himself up and walked into the kitchen.

"So, how did you find the experience of moving your life?", Mats asked smartly.

"Tiring", Marco muttered as he began to eat the green food.

"You like?".

"It's good, just worried about the toxic green colour", Marco smirked.

"Manu texted he, Josh and Thomas will be here at five or around it. Now don't be alarmed when you see the both of them fussing over Jo, seriously they take it overboard", Mats warned.

"As long as the kid spends more time with Manu and not Thomas I think nearly everybody will be happy", Marco muttered.

"He likes you, both of you prank everybody, that's why your hair was never pink, that's why you were never coloured in with a sharpie".

"Your weren't coloured in, he wrote in usually unreadable Thomas writing, that you, were property of Benedikt Höwedes, it's the truth", Marco pointed out.

"You're meant to take my side", Mats groaned.

Marco rolled his eyes before he went back to eating. 

"Marco", Manuel grinned as he nearly crushed Marco in a hug.

"Manu, he's injured enough as it is", Thomas scolded before he wrapped an arm around the blond's shoulder.

"Everybody likes my hugs, don't they Josh?", Manu questioned.

"Depends, you tend to crush people", Josh mumbled and Marco laughed.

"You've been spending a lot of time with Thomas haven't you?", Marco asked the younger man.

"A lot", Josh smirked.

"Too much", Mats moaned.

"It's good, it showed at the Euros", Marco grinned as he clapped a hand on the youngsters back.

"Thanks", Josh smiled as a pink flush tinted his cheek.

"Back to business for a moment, how long will this one keep you out for?", Thomas asked.

"Don't know, Dortmund doctors said I wouldn't be back till December but we'll see what your guy says", Marco muttered.

"Don't sweat it, you'll be back up and running, not just in straight lines, before you know it", Thomas was so sure of himself.

"How weird do you I'll be, wearing red I mean?", Manu asked, knowing from experience what it would be like.

"Honestly, it's terrifying but hey ho, they made it perfectly clear that I was surplus now that they had Mario and André", Marco shrugged his shoulders. Marco had to keep it pleasant, only he Mats and Benni knew about the tape.

"It seems, Joshie boy has made a new friend or friends I should say", Mats laughed as he pointed the three older players to where the youngsters was being licked to death by the two dogs.

Once Thomas had taken the necessary pictures they went back to the conversation.

"Is that actually what was said?", Manu asked.

"They said that know that they had acquired undamaged goods I would not be needed. Now undamaged goods, do I look like a case of oranges?", Marco made wild hand movements.

Marco stuck out his tongue and Mats poked Thomas in the ribs.

"No body gives out about Marco's appearance except for me", Mats narrowed his eyes.

"For a bunch of 27 year olds you act so immature", Manu groaned.

"Excuse me, I'm 26, you'd think you'd know your own boyfriends age but apparently you've taken one to many balls to the head", Thomas growled playfully.

"It was a figure of speech Thomas".

"Bite me", Thomas retorted.

In a second Manu had Thomas firmly on his laptop his long arms live iron grips around Thomas's waist.

"Behave or I will", Manuel whispered, loudly because three people proceeded to gag.

"Not in front of Josh, don't sully his young uncorrupted brain", Mats warned.

"Like, I'm good with the dog's, the two of them can leave if they want to get frisky", Josh proclaimed as he scratched both dogs.

"What the fuck did I just sign up for?",Marco asked

. 

"It's worse than the National team, wait until Xabi, Thiago and Lewy come in on it", Mats laughed.

"Nothing is worse than the national team", Marco argued, seriously nothing was.

"Seriously, nothing is worse than the heartbreak we cause Jogi on international break, but this is a close second", Manu interrupted.

"Again, is it too late to back out of this?",Marco asked jokingly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the latest chapter. Feedback and comments are greatly appreciated.

It was the first training session before the SuperCup, and Marco was dreading it. Mats had left earlier in the morning because he would more than likely be able to play, unlike Marco. The blond left the two dogs a bowl of water and food before he grabbed his keys off of the table. He locked the door and headed to Bayern’s training ground, where he would find out the extent of his injuries. 

Marco walked through into the small office. Pictures of various muscles were along the wall. The blond could still feel the niggle in his muscle, but not as much as before. The physio preformed his examination on Marco. He wasn’t going to lie, it hurt like hell stretching it and moving it certain ways. 

“It’s good news and bad news. Good news, it’s not as bad as I first feared, but you won’t be able to play before the start of November. The muscle itself is about eighty to eighty-five percent repaired, so you can do light exercise in the recovery room. I’ll be aiming for you to be back in training for the 20th of October. If you make that, you’ll be right as rain. Just don’t overdo yourself, it’ll only cause more damage,” the physio explained as he handed Marco a page. 

“Thank you,” Marco smiled as he shook the older man’s hand and headed out of the room. 

A few of the guys were hanging around in the hallway when Marco left. Thomas called him over to the group that consisted of him, Josh, Fips, Mats and Manu. 

“How’d it go?” Mats wondered. 

“Good, I think. Small bits - he thinks I should be back by November, if I manage to get up to full training by October 20th.” 

“That’s good. You three go bother Xabi or somebody, I wanna talk to Marco,” Philipp said with arched eyebrows. 

The two men watched as Thomas and the troublemakers walked back out onto the pitch, the studs on their boots clicking. 

“How do you feel about this whole thing?” Philipp questioned. 

“Weird, I mean it’s good to be playing with you and Boa, as well as Thomas and Manu. It’s going to be tough, but I’ll get through it,” Marco replied. 

“That’s good, just remember, Marco, you aren’t alone here. We are a family: if something or somebody is bothering you, you can tell any of us. I gotta go back, but it’s great to have you back,” Fips grinned before he gave Marco a quick hug. 

“Do I not get a hug?” A thick accent came from behind Marco. 

“Lewy,” Marco breathed as he turned around. 

There he was, standing in all his glory. His bright blue eyes shone brightly, and a smile played on his lips. God, Marco missed Robert so much. 

“I missed you,” Robert mumbled into Marco’s neck once he wrapped his arms around the blond’s shoulder. 

True, the pair hadn’t been on the easiest of terms since Robert departed from Dortmund, but Marco could see past that now; all he wanted was his best friend back. The blond grinned when he felt a familiar hand squeeze at the back of his neck, fingers pressed into his hair. Once the pair pulled away from each other, Robert had a cheeky smirk on his face. 

“I’m not in the bad books anymore?” Robert announced, but it came out more like a question. 

“What?” Marc cocked his head. 

“You let me touch your hair,” Robert explained. 

“Oh, well. Of course I did. Lewy, you’ve always been allowed to touch it.” Marco went pink on the tips of his ears because of embarrassment. 

“Oh, I feel so special. How did it go with the physio? He’s really good, by the way.” 

“Depends, light training once or twice a week. If I manage to make it back to full team training by October 20th I should be able to play again in November,” Marco grinned. 

“You’ll get there, right up by my left feeding me spectacular balls. God, that sounds so wrong,” Lewy giggled. “I got to leave you, Mar, I’ll talk to you later.” 

As the Polish man departed, he messed his fingers through Marco’s hair, and the blond cursed. Marco turned around and called out to Robert just as he put one foot out of the door. 

“Lewy, you ain’t touching this for a long time now, understand?” Marco narrowed his eyes. 

“Please, we all know you can’t resist my hugs.” Robert flashed a cheeky grin before he jogged out to the training pitch. 

Once Marco arrived back at the apartment, he flopped down on the sofa. Mats had told him that he could stay as long as he wanted, but Marco needed his own space. He pulled his laptop off of the coffee table while a film played on the telly in the background. 

After fourty minutes of searching, Marco gave up. He found nothing appealing; all of the houses were too big for just him and Buster. The blond focused his attention back to the movie: it was something about a young girl who had a video of her leaked online and ended up killing herself. Marco turned it off very quickly, as the movie reminded him too much of his current situation. He found a different film on Netflix.

 

That night still haunted Marco: the fact that somebody he was so close to was ready to destroy his life to get what he wanted. As far as Marco was concerned, Mario could go fuck himself, but a small but powerful voice in the back of Marco’s head told the blond that he deserved this, that it was somehow his fault. Marco sucked a breath in once he realised how stupid he was being. 

“What do you want little guy, food or water?” The second option got a little yelp from the Beagle pup. 

“Did somebody drink all the water again?” Marco asked as he filled the bowl up. 

Sure enough, Mats’ dog was sitting and waiting by the bowl. 

“Good boy, good girl,” Marco mumbled as he gave both dogs a scratch behind the ear. 

He and Mats had had a little chat while they were out walking the dogs earlier that morning. Marco had told Mats about the video once the national team returned from the Euros. Mats instantly wanted to cause either physical or emotional harm to the young man, but Marco had managed to calm him. Nobody else knew about the video before the two of them told Benedikt over the weekend. 

Marco wanted to tell some of the others, mainly Manu and Thomas or even Fips. But that voice in his head stopped him: What if they agree with Mario? What if they all hate me? Ideas kept running through the blond’s mind. They knew he was gay - why would they hate him? 

“Because Götze won them the World Cup, while you were sitting here watching it all on TV, injured as usual,” Marco thought. 

The blond bit the inside of his lip and willed these thoughts to stop, but wishing never did anything, apart from making the feeling of self deprecation worse.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my lovely best eafay70 for doing this for me. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Marco watched, his fingers clasped together in an iron-tight grip. There was three minutes left on the clock and he knew what that meant. 

‘Dortmund lost, you should be sad,’ Marco thought, ‘but of course you shouldn’t dwell on it, they got rid of you and your patheticness for a reason.’ 

Marco bit into his lip as he saw the faces of his former colleagues and friends fall. It was another defeat to Bayern Munich, and Marco was glad that he had no part in it. 

The blond was concerned at his reaction; any other time he would’ve been devastated by a loss, but now it felt like a small sense of justice, and Marco enjoyed it. Buster yipped happily at his feet before jumping up and resting his head on his blond owner’s lap. 

‘You are stupid and weak. Dortmund made you, and now you relish in their defeat, or is it his defeat?’ 

Marco’s hand shook at the thought of all of the times he and Mario had went out to celebrate a victory or to commiserate a loss. Now the blond could barley stand hearing the younger mans name.

 

The next few days passed without any trouble for the blond; he even went to training with Mats for a few hours before he went back to the apartment. Once again Marco spent at least an hour looking for an apartment that would let him take Buster. He laughed when he found one that suited him perfectly - until Mats texted him. 

Mats: You want to come out with us? Me and Robbie are on our way back to the apartment.

Marco: Don’t know, I’ll see you when you get back. Tell Lewy I’ll think about it. 

Mats: Yep, see you soon. 

Marco groaned. He really didn’t feel like going out, but maybe it would make him feel better. Maybe the alcohol would number the pain, or make him drunk enough to forget. The blond hated feeling so helpless with his own mind, constantly wondering what little thing would result in him divulging his deepest and darkest secret. Marco sat around waiting for the other two. Finally they came through the door, laughing and joking. 

“I don’t have clothes stashed in your apartment, you haven’t been here that long,” Robert frowned. 

“The night after I unpacked everything, you brought over a gear bag full of clothes, you do it with everyone. Marco, wasn’t at least a third of your wardrobe Robert’s?” Mats smirked. 

“Yeah, Lewy, if I’m not mistaken you had a suit there as well”, Marco answered. 

“Alright, I’m going to leave you two, I’ll be as quick as I can. Lewy, try to make this one come out, will you? He hasn’t left the house apart from walking the dog or going to training,” Mats shouted as he walked into his bedroom. 

“He’s right, you know. None of us really got to celebrate the SuperCup win. I understand completely if you don’t want to come out. You never know, it could be fun,” the blue-eyed man smiled. 

Ah, the loss. It still plagued his mind, the way he reacted. At one time or another Marco would’ve been broken for days after a loss, had he been playing or not. But a small, scary part of the blond was happy and satisfied that silverware had been snatched away from Mario once again; it made Marco sick to his stomach. 

“Earth to Marco, you alright there?” Robert questioned. 

“Yeah, everything’s good, what were you saying before?” 

“Not much, just that I felt bad for Mario. We’ve lost so many finals or semifinals recently, and the second he leaves, we win a SuperCup.” Robert noticed the way that Marco seized up when he mentioned the other man’s name. 

“Don’t, just please, don’t,” Marco begged, eyes wide. 

“Mar, what’s been going on? You can tell me, even after everything, I’d do anything for you,” Robert said and it was the honest truth, maybe the only thing that Marco could believe in right now. 

“I’m going to go get ready,” the blond dismissed before he scurried out of the living area, leaving a worried and very confused Robert sitting there. 

Marco had changed from his sweats and hoodie into jeans and a tee shirt. He stood in the doorway of his bedroom, a lump caught in his throat. 

“Mats, tell me what’s wrong with him,” Lewy demanded. 

“I can’t, I promised him I wouldn’t tell anybody.” 

“Does he hate me that much?” 

“Robert, Marco would never be able to hate you. If you’re so concerned, why don’t you ask him yourself?” 

“Because I’ve just gotten him back, I’m not letting go of him again.” 

“You’d swear that the two of you were together or something. But you weren’t.” 

No, they weren’t. As much as Marco had wanted there to be something, life always got in the way, and the next thing he knew, Robert was on a plane to Munich. Marco had harboured a very large crush for the striker and still had it now, even though he knew nothing would come from it. 

“Marco, leave your hair alone and hurry up,” Mats grunted. 

“Coming,” Marco sighed as he ran a hand through his hair before he met the other two men on the living area. 

“Bout time, taxi’s nearly here. You good tonight?” 

“Yup, unlike the two of you, who have training tomorrow.” 

“We don’t, actually,” Robert smirked as he wrapped an arm around Marco’s back. 

Later at the club, Marco was fairly drunk and it was left to Mats to watch him. Mats had dragged Marco to the quietest corner of the club, which just happened to be ouside. 

“I need you to tell me why you’re doing this,” Mats said. 

“Doing what?” Marco slurred. 

“This. It’s one thing to go out and have fun but Marco, you’re drinking whatever like it’s water. I’d also like to bring up the time when I went up to see you, I know you had been drinking and I saw the bandage. I know you’re hurting about something, so I need you to tell me”. 

“No.” Marco narrowed his eyes. 

“Marco, I’m just looking out for you.” 

“Like he was looking out for me? I’m sick and tired of all the false promises, fed up of being left in the dirt by everybody I care about.” Marco went to turn and walk away, but came into contact with Robert. 

“Mar, we’re both worried about you. Why don’t we talk about this back at the apartment?” 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” 

“Do you mind if I take him back to your place?” Robert asked, cutting Marco from the conversation. 

“Nope, go home with him, I’ll tell the others when I find them. I’ll get a taxi later,” Mats answered as he pulled his house keys from his pocket and handed them to the Pole. 

Marco was acting like a petulant child while they waited for the taxi. Not a word was spoken between them until Marco staggered out of the car and Robert slipped a hefty tip to the driver and prayed that this wouldn’t end up all over the papers. 

“Talk to me Marco, tell me what’s wrong,” Robert pleaded as he sat them both down on the sofa. 

“Why am I always left in the dirt? Am I that much of a failure? Does everybody hate me because of that? Am I even worth it?” Marco slurred, but Robert got the message. 

“Marco, don’t ever say that around me again. You’re beautiful, kind, smart, and funny, not to mention a brilliant footballer. You’re not a failure, life has just thrown you so many balls - but you always come back from them, just like you will now. This feeling, it’s just a fork in the road,” Robert promised as he stroked Marco’s hair. 

Marco had his head under the older man’s chin before he looked up into beautifully blue eyes. 

“You think I’m beautiful?” he asked, his face turning a bright red. 

“Of course. You don’t have to tell me, but what happened between you and Mario?”. 

“Please, no, not now Lewy, never, please,” Marco begged incoherently. 

“Hey, shh, calm down Mar, I won’t ask again, alright?” Robert frowned as he went back to stroking the blond’s hair. 

“Thank you.” 

A few minutes passed in complete silence. Robert was nearly sure that Marco was asleep until the blond piped up again. 

“Hey, Lewy, for the record, I think you’re beautiful, too,” Marco grinned broadly. 

“Yeah?” Robert mumbled, both of them moving closer. 

“So beautiful,” Marco whispered before he dragged his lips over Robert’s. 

Robert kissed back at first until he realised that yes, Marco was drunk and no, Robert was not adding to the list of problems that Marco had. 

“Just thought you should know,” Marco mumbled before he closed his eyes, his head falling on Robert’s chest. 

Robert looked down at Marco, who seemed so small in comparison. The dark haired striker kissed the winger’s hair. 

“Kocham Cię”, Robert whispered before sleep overtook him also. 

Roberts lip’s were still pressed against Marco’s head and their hands were still clasped together when Mats returned.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not there is referenced and ongoing self harm in this chapter, and in chapters to follow this will be ongoing.
> 
> Thank you to my beta Eafay70 for this.

Marco groaned the minute he opened his eyes. His head was pounding, and his vision was blurry and fuzzy. It was still dark, leading the blond to believe it was still early morning. The arm around his waist tightened when Marco went to move. Robert moved closer and kissed his forehead again. Even though it was late August and the two of them were covered in only a small thin blanket, Marco had never felt warmer or safer. It had been the first time in weeks that the blond had woken up without a malicious thought in his head and Marco welcomed the feeling. Marco snuggled back into Robert’s arms and fell back into a peaceful sleep. 

“Hey, sleepy head. How you feelin’?” Robert asked softly as he nosed Marco’s head. 

“Head hurts like a bitch. About last night…” Marco fiddled with his hands. 

“How much do you remember?” Robert wondered as he put his hand over Marco’s. 

“All of it,” Marco admitted, letting out a deep breath. 

“Mar, I meant every bit of it. Mats is gone shopping for food, so we have some time if you want to get anything off of your chest,” Robert smiled softly as he brought Marco’s hand to his lips, just ghosting them over the knuckles. 

“I feel like I’m a burden,” Marco whispered, the words came tumbling out of his mouth. 

“You’re not, Marco. Like I said last night, everybody cares about you. You’re our friend - God knows what would happen if you did something drastic. If you hurt yourself I’d never forgive myself. So please, whenever you feel like this, I want you to call or text me,” Robert said as he used a hand to cup Marco’s cheek. 

“What about the kiss?” Marco asked, his voice shaking with worry. 

“I only stopped kissing you because you were drunk. I didn’t want to take advantage,” Robert answered. 

“Really, you mean you like me?” Marco cocked his head, much like Buster would. 

Robert just smiled before he pressed their lips together in a soft kiss. Marco’s hand threaded through Robert’s dark hair as he moved to straddle the older man. The kiss became more aggressive as they moved. Their tongues battled for control before Robert bit softly down on Marco’s lower lip, eliciting a yelp from the blond. Marco pulled away when he heard his phone ringing - somehow the thing still had battery. 

“How come when I need it, it’s dead?” Marco growled before he answered. 

Suddenly, his demeanour changed; his back became poker-straight and his teeth gnawed at his lower lip. 

“Hey Marco, how are you today?” Mario asked. 

“I’m not too bad, you?” Marco responded sweetly. In reality, his heart sank and the way Robert looked at him showed that he knew it, too. 

“Who’s there with you Mar? You never stay on the phone this long.” 

“Eh, nobody’s here,” Marco lied. 

“You can’t lie for shit Reus,” Mario laughed. 

Marco thought, ‘Believe me, I’ve been lying to everybody, including myself for the last four months, I’ve gotten very good at it.’ 

“Well, I gotta go, training and all, you’d know if you weren’t injured, again,” Mario cackled before he hung up. 

 

Marco was shaking as he put the phone back on the coffee table, his eyes full of unshed tears. Why had it come to this? Everything always got fucked up when he was involved. Soon enough, Robert was going to move on and leave him in the dirt. 

“Mar, Marco, what’s wrong? Who was that?” Robert questioned as he rubbed the side of Marco’s face. 

“Nobody, wrong number,” Marco croaked out before he basically ran to his bedroom and locked the door. 

Robert was fighting the urge to go through Marco’s phone - it wasn’t like Marco would ever change his password. He shook his head; Marco would tell him when he was ready.

 

When Mats walked in a few minutes later with a bag full of food, Robert rushed over and told him what had happened, leaving out the kiss just in case Marco didn’t want anything from it, though that thought crushed Robert. 

“I trust you to not burn down my house”, Mats smirked as he headed to Marco’s bedroom door. 

“G’way, Lewy,” Marco grunted when Mats knocked. 

“If you think I’m Robert Lewandowski, you’re wrong. Now open this door, let me in and lock it again,” Mats said. 

Marco slowly turned the knob of the door before he stepped to the side and proceeded to lock it again. 

“I take it Mario called?” 

“Yeah, Mats. It’s not fair. Why can’t he just be like he used to be? If he destroyed the video and just apologised, we’d still be friends, but now he’s just making my life miserable.” 

“I know. Did you tell Robert?” 

“No, and he’ll never know, Mats,” Marco growled defensively. 

“I’m not going to tell him, but Marco, I saw the way he was with you last night. He just wants to help, he cares – hell, when I came home you two were wrapped around each other, fast asleep. Rather cute, if I’m being honest.” 

Without speaking, Marco thought, ‘Robert can’t find out about the video; he’ll think you’re disgusting and not worth it, he’ll cut all ties with you.’ 

Marco began to pick at his arm, digging his nails deep into the skin, the pain serving as a small release. 

“I thought you’d stopped that?” Mats wondered. 

“This is the only thing that I deserve, pain and more fucking pain,” Marco spat before Mats yanked his hand away. 

“You’re worth so much more than this. Forget about Götze - delete his number, block it, it’s as simple as that. Marco, just know that you’re worth it, you’re worth so much more than this. All of us want to see you happy, including Robert, especially Robert.” 

“I know, but it’s just so hard,” Marco whimpered. 

“I know it is, but it’s going to get easier, it will get better,” Mats promised. 

“I know, but I hate this, I hate what I am.” 

“You didn’t choose this; people don’t choose to hurt themselves to make themselves feel better. None of this is your fault.” 

Marco smiled - but after all this time, Mats knew a fake one when he saw it.


	8. Chapter 8

Life seemed to pass by slowly for Marco. He watched as his friends and current team played match after match - and won. Then it seemed like a light switched off and everything fell to pieces: two draws followed by a loss. Marco could see what it did to Robert, to Mats, and to everyone.

 

By October 20th, Marco hadn’t made it back to first team training yet. But, some time later, he finally made it back. The morning was cold and dreary as the blond jogged out onto the pitch. The next match was Hoffenheim and Marco doubted that he would be selected to play in it. The blond longed to be back on the pitch in a match. 

“So, the chances of you playing in the next match?” Mats asked once he walked over to the blond. 

“Doc says I’m fit, it’s up to the boss now,” Marco grinned as he juggled the ball on his foot. 

“Getting straight back into it, I see,” Robert laughed. Robert frowned when Marco jerked away from his hand.

Things between Marco and Robert had been strange. They completely skipped over the getting to know each other part. But Marco didn’t feel very comfortable; he felt like he was lying to Robert, the same way he was lying to himself.

 

“Yeah, they’ve said that I’m fit to play, so we’ll see what happens,” Marco explained before he wrapped an arm around Robert’s shoulder.

Mats rolled his eyes at the two of them – seriously, when would they get together? Mats had had money on the two of them getting together for a long time now. 

“Ah, Marco, I’ve just met with our physio. How are you feeling today?” Carlo smiled warmly. 

“I’m good, there’s no pain and I can run, not just in straight lines.”

 

Mats gave a short laugh while Carlo cocked his brow. 

“Do you think that you’ll be able to play tomorrow?” Carlo wondered. 

“I should be, but it’s your decision.” Marco wouldn’t get his hopes up. 

“That shouldn’t be a problem.” The newly appointed manager walked away, hoping that the outcome of the next home fixture would be like Mönchengladbach and not all of the others that the team had drawn.

 

Marco couldn’t help the smile that split his face at the prospect of getting to play football again. But that happiness was soon over, and a sinking hot feeling settled in his stomach. 

‘You’re going to make a fool of yourself out there, you’ll never play again.’ 

Marco gripped at his arm and dug his fingers into his sleeve. His smile convinced Robert, but once again Mats was a different story. The defender frowned before he shook his head.

 

After training, Marco ended up sitting on his bed, his earphones in as he scrolled through the details of the email that the real estate agent had sent him. Since the incident Marco hadn’t spoken to Mats. Marco bit his lip as he felt the bed dip. Mats gently took out one of Marco’s earphones. 

“You want to talk?” Mats wondered. 

“No, I’m fine, earlier was a fluke. The estate agent emailed me: I can have the penthouse if I want it. I just sent the confirmation email,” Marco muttered wearily. 

“So, you’re moving to the very top floor of this building? I knew you loved me,” Mats smirked. 

“Yeah, I’m staying close to you. She’ll be around at five to bring me up and give me a look, you coming?” 

“Yeah, why not? I’m going to make dinner, what do you want?” 

“Beef, I’ve had so much chicken lately,” Marco answered before Mats left. 

From Lewy: Have I done something? 

To Lewy: No, what makes you think that? 

Marco gripped his phone tightly, waiting for a response. For the last week, Marco had been pushing Robert away. 

From Lewy: You’ve practically ignored me for the past week and a half. Frankly, I’m surprised that you actually answered me this time. 

Marco swallowed and dropped his phone onto the bed. The blond couldn’t resist the urge to drag his sharp nails up his arm before he used them to dig into the soft flesh. He stopped once his phone binged again. 

From Lewy: If you want out of this, just tell me, because I can’t deal with skirting around, not knowing if one day you’re going to talk to me or ignore me. 

To Lewy: I’m sorry. 

Marco wouldn’t know how Robert would take it, but he didn’t text back. Marco fell back against the pillow. His hand and arm throbbed with hot pain, but Marco seemed to think that he deserved it because he dragged his nails over the picked-at area. 

After dinner, Marco and Mats sat around the living room. Marco had thrown on an old hoodie to cover any evidence of his earlier actions. At five on the dot, the real estate agent arrived. The three of them took the short trip in the elevator to the penthouse. The walls were a bare cream colour and the floors were either dark wood or carpet. 

“This unit was recently refurbished with all of the furnishings you see. The walls have been left bare as your blank canvas,” the black-haired woman said as she showed them through the semi-furnished apartment. There were two bedrooms and three bathrooms, along with an open living and kitchen space and folding glass doors leading outside to a small patio area. 

“When can everything be finalised?” Marco asked. 

“I’ll get the paperwork to you in about a week - once you sign it all, I’ll give you the keys and this will be yours,” she smiled as she locked the door. 

Later, in the middle of the night Marco woke up, shaking and terrified. It was raining heavily as Marco tried to steady his breath. All he could see was Mario’s face, an evil smirk facing Marco. His dream had been dark and twisted. His worst dream had come true: everybody had found out about the tape, and Marco had had to leave and stop playing football. Marco got out of the bed and pulled on a pair of shorts. He then pulled on a jacket and zipped it up before he moved to the living room, grabbed his keys and left. Once he was in his car, he pushed his soaking wet hair off his forehead as he headed to his destination. Marco parked down the street, he needed to think. 

Once he knocked on the door, Marco instantly regretted it. But he stood there as the home owner unlocked the door. 

“Marco, what - get inside, you’re going to freeze,” Robert frowned as he pulled Marco into his warm house. 

“I didn’t mean to wake you up,” Marco whimpered. 

“Hey, I’m here whenever you need me,” Robert promised as he kissed the side of Marco’s head. 

“About the text: I want to stay with you, I’m so sorry,” Marco cried as he clung to Robert. 

“Let’s go into the kitchen, you need to warm up,” Robert suggested as he steered them to the kitchen. 

He made them both a mug of hot chocolate and sat at the island beside Marco, who was sipping at the mug. 

“I had a dream about the tape.” The words came tumbling out before Marco could stop them. 

Robert cocked his head - what was Marco on about? 

“What tape?” 

“Nothing,” Marco stuttered. 

“Mar, tell me please, if it’s enough to leave you like this.” 

“Mario has a tape of me saying I’m gay and he says he’ll release it if I don’t get with him, as he puts it.” Marco felt sick. 

Robeet stayed silent for a few minutes before Marco gathered the courage to look at him. 

“Lewy?”

“I’m going to fucking kill him,” Robert spat before he took Marco’s head in his hands. 

“Please, I’m sorry for telling you, don’t be mad,” Marco whispered. 

“I’m not. I’m proud of you,” Robert replied before he kissed Marco. 

Marco melted.After Robert pulled away, he swiped his thumb over Marco’s tears.

 

“Come upstairs, I’ll get you some clothes and we’ll go to bed, is that ok?” Robert asked as he finished his hot chocolate. 

Marco nodded, clasped his fingers around Robert’s and followed the dark-haired man up the stairs. 

“They’ll be a bit big,” Robert mumbled as he handed Marco a pair of sweats and a hoodie. 

Once Marco had pulled them on, Robert guided him down to the bed and wrapped him in strong arms. 

“Try to get some sleep. I’ll be here, ’cause I’m never leaving you,” Robert vowed as he kissed the back of the winger’s neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so again to Eafay70.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta Eafay70, you've been a gem

When Robert woke up the following morning, his anger had lessened, but the feeling of fierce protectiveness for Marco had only grown. The blue-eyed striker rolled over and found Marco beautiful rich eyes staring into his own, accompanying a small genuine smile, not that Robert would know the difference. 

“Morning,” Marco whispered as he snuggled closer to the Poland captain. 

“How are you feeling?” Robert questioned as he interlocked their fingers and lay them on Marco’s stomach. 

Robert cocked an eyebrow when he saw the red areas that Marco had picked at yesterday, bright and angry. One in particular looked a few days old, as it was bigger and deeper than the rest. Robert frowned as he ran a finger over it, but Marco recoiled and yanked his hand away. The blond bit into his lip before he closed his eyes. 

“You must think I’m disgusting,” Marco groaned. 

“No. No, I don’t,” Robert replied as he locked their fingers together again. 

It was as though those words had taken the fight out of Marco, as if Robert’s words meant the world to him. They did. 

“I’m going to ask you something: Why? Why do you hurt yourself? And please, don’t lie, because you can’t,” Robert said with a faint smile. 

“It’s all I deserve; the pain is the only thing keeping me going sometimes. My life has been one huge pile of crap this year - I haven’t played football in nearly six months. I hate it, and I hate myself,” Marco answered bitterly. 

“Why? Find me three reasons that you hate yourself, three reasons you think you’re not worth it. Because Marco, you’re worth every second of it. As cheesy as it sounds, every second I’m with you I’m happier, so please let me help you,” Robert pleaded.

 

Marco buried his head in the older man’s chest. Robert kissed his forehead and felt a wetness seep through his top as his fingers gently carded through Marco’s hair. The dark-haired man’s other hand was still clasped with Marco’s, his finger gently running over the blond’s knuckles. 

“I hate that I can’t do anything, I hate that I can’t go a day without living in fear of a fucking tape and I hate the fact I’m still living on eggshells, while somebody I counted as a close friend is threatening to ruin my fucking career!” Marco shouted. 

“That all gives you reasons to hate Mario, not yourself. You’ve been dealing with this for what looks like a long time. I know Mats knows, I know now - you can trust us Mar, we want what’s best for you. Neither of use can wait for you to be back on the pitch. I need you to try and stop hurting yourself. I know it’s not as simple as just stopping, but find something else to do, please.” Robert’s voice cracked at the end, causing Marco to look up at him. 

“I can’t make any promises Lewy, this is all I’ve known for a long time, but I’ll try,” Marco mumbled as he kissed Robert’s cheek. 

“As long as you try,” Robert smiled reassuringly before he kissed Marco softly. 

The blond’s lips tasted of salt after the tears had dried up. The rain had stopped sometime during the night and the sun had come out, but it was still cold enough that a soft frost glittered on the grass. When Marco pulled away he looked at Robert and he felt the heat in his cheeks rising. 

“You’re almost as good as Mats when it comes to blushing,” Robert grinned. 

Marco made a face before he dropped his head back to Robert’s chest. Robert’s phone rang after a few minutes of peaceful quiet. 

“Lewy, have you seen Marco?” Mats asked, panicked because he hadn’t seen Marco since he went to bed last night. 

“Woah, he here, do you want to talk to him?” 

“Yes.” 

“It’s Mats,” Robert explained as Marco rested the phone on his ear. 

“Yes Mats, I came here last night. No I didn’t, yes I did, he knows the story. No, fine, I’ll see you later.” Marco slid his finger and ended the call before he handed the phone back to Robert. 

“How long until we have to go to the match?” Robert asked with a slight smirk. 

“A few hours for you; for me - fuck knows.” 

“Same time. You’re on the bench.” Robeet smiled and Marco grinned broadly. 

“No, no way.” The blond was nearly speechless as he moved up to Robert so they were face to face. 

“Really.” Robert grinned and Marco kissed him again and again. 

 

~~~~~ 

They drew again. Marco had come on in the 80th minute, but he hadn’t been able to make a difference. As he walked off the pitch his stomach dropped. The shower only took his mind off things for a while. 

‘You actually thought you could make a difference, a pathetic thing like you.’ 

Marco swallowed and looked around; nobody was watching him but he felt like he had a thousand eyes on him. The blond shuddered as he clenched his fist, his nails biting into his palm. He sat on the bench, placed beside Thomas and Roberts. Suddenly he felt long thin arms warp around him. 

“You did good,” Thomas grinned. 

“Use actual English, Thomas, you’re not three,” Manu grunted. 

Most of the players had already left the locker room and gone to post-match press interviews or headed home. Those that were still there were processing thoughts on what could’ve gone differently. 

“Manu, you conceded, get over it,” Thomas said bitingly, and Manuel looked outraged. 

“Thomas,” the older man warned. 

“What? Our friend here played competitive football for the first time in nearly six months. Did we lose? No. So stop whining like a baby and congratulate Marco.” 

“He’s right, for once. You played well out there, now let’s just see what happens over international break.” 

Marco smiled another fake smile. The real ones were few and far between nowadays. His phone buzzed from beside him with a text from Mario. The blond made eye contact with Mats for a split second, and the defender understood completely. The brown-haired man shook his head and nodded to the exit. 

“We’ll see you later,” Mats said as they headed out. 

Once they were in the car, Marco handed Mats the phone. The defender took a few minutes to read the message. 

“Show me,” Marco demanded. He wouldn’t be a coward. 

Mats sighed and handed him the phone. The message was short and simple. 

‘If you continue to play like that you’ll never get onto the national team’ followed by laughing faces. 

“You OK?” Mats wondered. 

“Yeah, I’m going to show this pig-headed twat that I can and will get back on the national team. Might not be next week, but I will, and then I’ll shove it in his face,” Marco smirked. 

“He’ll see tomorrow, when Jogi announcers the squad,” Mats laughed. 

“Just don’t do anything to him, he’s not worth getting kicked off the team,” Marco warned. 

“If he does anything to you, I’ll let him know that he fucked with the wrong person,” Mats smirked.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Eafay70 for betaing and I hope everybody has a good holiday if your celebrating and a good new year

When Marco woke up, he had a new email. His heart was fluttering in his chest as he read it. 

‘You have been selected for the provisional German national football team for the following matches:   
World Cup qualifier Germany vs San Marino   
International friendly Germany vs Italy.   
We are looking forward to having you back on the team, and I hope you are as well,   
Joachim Löw’ 

“Mats, Mats!” Marco shouted as he ran to the kitchen. 

“What?” Mats wondered as he sipped on his coffee, a small grin playing on his lips. 

“You know…” Marco narrowed his eyes. 

“Know what?” 

“I’ve been selected for the national team!” Marco said proudly. 

“It’s all over Twitter and Facebook, everybody can’t wait to see their favourite blond winger back on the pitch.” Mats grinned. “You better go pack, we’re leaving soon.” 

Marco wasted no time in filling his suitcase; for the first time in a few months, he ignored the negative thoughts. 

It felt so unreal to be back on the national team; Marco kept smiling. Once they were on the bus, Jogi handed out a single page to everybody. 

“For everybody new here, please read the rules carefully. For those of you returning, please behave well, as well as you usually do anyway. On each page is your roommate and room number. If you have any problems, come and tell me, I don’t bite much,” Jogi said before he sat down in his seat and they continued on their journey to the hotel.   
Was Jogi playing a joke? Marco and Mats were in the same hotel room. 

To Mats: Why aren’t you and Benni sharing? 

From Mats: Basically we were humping like rabbits during last break. And Benni asked if he and Meyer could be put in the same room. You know Benni, all protection, all the time when it comes to the babies. 

To Mats: Yeah you two seem pretty cosy. Meanwhile, Thomas is already asleep on me. You know he and Manu got into a huge fight? 

From Mats: Yeah. Thomas okay? You know how he takes these things. 

To Mats: His room mate is Manu - they’ll have to sort it out. 

From Mats: We all know how they sort things out. 

To Mats: Leave me alone, I do not want to think about that. 

Marco heard the chuckle from two seats behind him. Surprisingly, Mario hadn’t stepped near Marco and while a few found it odd, nobody commented on it. 

A few hours later, once the team had arrived at the hotel and checked in, Marco felt an arm slide around his shoulder. 

“It’s great to see you again, Mar,” Mario grinned. 

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave him the fuck alone. Do you understand me, Götze?” Mats threatened as he moved around to the side, a smile on his face. 

“You actually had the balls to tell somebody, I’m impressed. Just remember, I have something you don’t. I’ll be watching.” Mario laughed as he walked and joined his roommate. 

“Cause that’s not creepy,” Marco muttered. 

“What was that?” Thomas asked, still avoiding Manuel. 

“Nothing, just saying hi to Mario,” Marco smiled. The blond was getting good at lying, and he hated it. 

“Oh, have any of you seen Manu? I wanted to apologize.” 

“Last I saw, he was with Jogi. You’ll be fine, Mülli, he’ll forgive you.” Mats smiled warmly. 

Thomas nodded before he departed in search of the goalkeeper. 

“You OK?” Mats wondered as they picked up their bags and went to find their hotel room. 

“Yeah, I’ve realized that I don’t have to live in fear of a tape. Mario won’t release it,” Marco lied - and for the first time in months, Mats believed him. 

“Alright, if it gets to be too much, just tell me, alright?” Mats checked as the elevator stalled. 

“Of course,” Marco answered, lying again. 

‘What have I become?’ The blond asked himself. ‘Sombody that would rather drown on his own than take the whole boat down with him. It’s not like anybody would miss you.’ 

Mats was so busy walking in front of him that the brown-eyed defender took no notice of Marco digging his nails into the back of his hand. 

But a small faint voice in Marco told him something - something that the blond needed to hear drastically. 

‘Lewy cares, you promised him you’d try to stop. You can do it.’ 

Marco remembered the caring smile of Robert’s face, the way that the Pole’s eyes were so full of love and adoration and protection. Marco had failed him; instead of stopping, the blond dug harder, the pressure and pain providing a small amount of release before he stopped. The guilt was overwhelming. 

“You mind if I take a shower?” Marco asked, his voice raw, and Mats looked him over, eyes darting to his hand resting by his side, his other hand resting on the suitcase handle. 

“Yeah”, Mats grinned. It didn’t reflect in his eyes; they were searching for something, and Marco knew what. 

 

Marco stood in the shower, the blistering hot water spraying over his tense body. The blond felt his eyes sting as his tears mingled with the water droplets cascading down his face. Marco was thinking, why? Why would Mario keep tormenting him like this? They were best friends. Marco shook his head; that bridge was well and truly burnt, they would never have a relationship again. In all of this, there was only one place that Marco felt safe. 

‘But it will be a matter of time before he throws you to the dirt.’ 

Marco hissed as he dragged his nails over his arm, the hot water adding to the pain. 

“Eh Mar, did you fall and drown in there or something? Dinner’s in like half an hour,” Mats shouted. 

“I’ll be out in a minute,” Marco shouted back as he turned off the water. 

Truth be told, he had been finished in the shower for at least half an hour. Once he dried himself he pulled on some clothes. When he opened the door, steam pillowed out from behind him. The blond’s usual pale complexion was an angry reddy pink colour. 

“I’ll be out in ten minutes, unlike you,” Mats snarked before he walked into to the steamy room. “If there’s any hot water left.” 

Marco rolled his eyes and flipped back on the bed. He had two unread text messages. 

From Lewy: How’s everyhing? 

From Thomas: I’ve lost Manu. 

Marco was intrigued by Thomas so he called him. 

“How do you lose a six-foot-four goalkeeper?” Marco asked. 

“Well, we were having a lovely conversation, and he left. I’ve called and texted and even walked around the entire hotel, and I haven’t found him, so I’ve lost him,” Thomas explained in a ‘duh’ voice. 

“Haven’t you checked to see if he’s with Jogi? Or ter Stegen or Leno - ya know, goalkeepers?” 

“Obviously – wait, why would he be with Jogi?” 

“In case you’ve forgotten, your boyfriend of three and a half years is now captain of the German national football team, so he will be spending more time with Jogi.” Marco rolled his eyes. 

“Oh, but he would usually tell me.” 

“He probably forgot, Thomas, Manu doesn’t just run out on people. Talk to him at dinner, Mats and I will see you there.” Marco sighed as he hung up. 

To Lewy: Hey, how’s things? 

It took a few minutes, but eventually Marco’s phone dinged with a reply. 

From Lewy: Just finished training. How about you? Mario done something? 

To Lewy: Nope, I’m gonna go get me some dinner. You be careful - can’t have my guy getting injured, now can I? 

From Lewy: I’ll be fine, Mar. Look after yourself for me; I have something planned after break for the two of us. 

To Lewy: You shouldn’t. 

From Lewy: Oh, but I do. Have fun at dinner, and text me if anything happens. 

To Lewy: Of course. 

“Who are you texting?” Mats wondered. 

“Considering the fact there are like six people that I constantly talk to, take a guess.” 

“Oh I know!” Mats gasped dramatically. “One Robert Lewandowski?” 

“Well done,” Marco replied sarcastically. 

Dinner was a noisy affair, with many of the team seeing their friends for the first time in weeks; Marco enjoyed it. Thomas nudged him halfway through. 

“I think he’s ignoring me.” Thomas motioned over to where Manu was stitting with Jogi. 

“He’s not, Thomas. Look, I’ll text him and ask,” Marco smiled reassuringly. 

To Manu: Are you ignoring Thomas? 

A reply came a few minutes later. 

From Manu: Depends what you classify as ignoring. I prefer the term ‘letting him grow up a bit.’ He can’t have everything he wants. 

Marco shot a look over to Manuel, who frowned when he caught sight of Thomas picking at his plate. 

To Manu: Talk to him - he’s hurting and you can see it. 

From Manu: I know. Tell him to go to the bathroom in a minute. I’m going there now. 

To Manu: Please do not have sex in there, people are trying to eat. 

From Manu: Funny, Reus, that part will be for later. 

Marco coughed on a piece of his dinner, causing most of the people at his table to turn and look at him. The blond was bright red. 

“I’m okay,” he laughed as he gulped down on the water. 

“Can all players and staff members please refrain from choking?” Jogi announced, and Marco gave him a thumbs up. 

Everybody went back to their conversations, and Marco turned to Thomas. 

“Go to the bathroom.” 

“What?” 

“Just go,” Marco stressed as Thomas walked to the bathroom. 

A few minutes later Manu walked out with a smile on his face, and a few minutes after that Thomas followed with a grin bright enough to light the entire room. Marco smiled; even though he was breaking on the inside, the face that he helped contribute to those smiles helped a lot. Suddenly, that all changed as he caught Mats in a tense stare-down with Mario. 

“Stop it,” Marco warned. 

“He started it, I’ll finish it,” Mats replied softly, without breaking eye contact.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Eafay70. Also I hope everybody has a good holiday and that all of you stay safe during the new years.

The win had been ecstatic: eight-nil and a hattrick for the debutant. Marco grinned as he walked off the pitch after playing a full ninety minutes. 

“How did it feel?” Mats asked once they were dressed and heading back onto the bus. 

“That was probably the best ninety minutes of my life. The only thing I’m worried about is, we have to play Italy before going against Dortmund. Who decided this schedule?” Marco groaned. 

Mats shook his head an the pair settled into their seats. Marco began scrolling through Facebook - and his heart stopped. 

‘Poland Captain Robert Lewandowski was struck by a flare during the match against Romania.’ 

For Marco, everything went blurry for a moment before Mats put a hand on his shoulder. Marco showed him the article, causing the defender to curse rapidly. Mats rubbed Marco’s shoulder. 

“Lewy’ll be fine,” Mats smiled, though he wasn’t sure himself. Marco sent a text to Robert. 

To Lewy: Are you okay? We’ve finished the match, on our way back to the hotel. I just saw what happened. 

Marco bit into his lip hard, trying to stop himself from doing something drastic. He felt Mats’ hand on his, a hot and heavy weight. 

They were nearly back at the hotel when Marco received the text. 

From Lewy: I’m fine kochanie. Call me when you can? 

To Lewy: Yeah, are you sure you’re okay? I mean I’ve seen the video. Robert, it exploded near you, your hearing must be fucked. 

From Lewy: Not fucked, more like selective. It’s alright, Kuba and Lukaz are feeding me chocolate. 

Robert was trying to divert the conversation so as to not worry the blond, but Marco was worried. He couldn’t wait to be in Robert’s arms. 

To Lewy: Kocham Cię 

From Lewy: You’ve been learning Polish? Też cię kocham moja ukochana. 

After a quick translation, Marco couldn’t stop the smile that spread on his lips. 

From Lewy: You Googled that 

To Lewy: Maybe. I’ll give you a call when I can. Keep eating the chocolate, and listen to the doctors or I’ll go momma Reus on you again. 

From Lewy: Not again! You smothered me with fresh soup and bread, I’d hate for that to happen again. 

Marco shook his head. The bus had just pulled in and everybody went their separate ways, though not before Mats and Mario had their little eye showdown. Marco rolled his eyes and watched the two of them. Mario had a spark of pure hatred in his eyes as he switched from Mats to Marco before he walked away. 

“If the two of you don’t stop with these little eye battles, everybody’s going to find out,” Marco growled in the elevator. 

“Mar, in all fairness, if he’s not bothering you I’m fine with it,” Mats shrugged. 

“Thing is, Mats, it’s making it worse, everything is just making everything worse. Everything is just worse!” Marco shouted before he stormed out of the elevator once the doors opened. 

The blond found himself sitting on the toilet with the bathroom door locked. Mats thought that he was helping, but he wasn’t. At this point, Marco was ready to just give up on football - until he had a harebrained idea. 

To Götze: Send me the video, show me that you have the proof. 

Marco regretted it instantly. Mats began to knock at the door. 

“Mar, Marco, let me in, please,” Mats pleaded, and Marco sighed in defeat as he opened the door. 

Crescent moon nail marks were dug so deeply into Marco’s skin that some were bleeding. 

“What have you done Mar?” Mats asked, his voice so full of concern. 

Marco’s phone made a noise: Mario’s message alert. 

“I took the fight to him. I asked him to send me the video and he just did, all twenty five seconds that could ruin my life,” Marco replied, his voice cold and distant. “We have to go for dinner soon, I’m going to call Robert later.” 

“Marco, look at me. You’re safe. Please just remember that hurting yourself is not the answer,” Mats reasoned. 

“It’s all I deserve. I don’t deserve a place on any team, or you, or anybody. I’m disgusting,” Marco replied coldly. 

“You’re not - just wait here for one second, okay?” Mats asked as he fished out his phone and called the only person that could get through to Marco. 

“What’s wrong, Mats?” Robert asked. 

“I’m going to put you on with Marco and I’m going to leave. Say whatever you have to, okay? Just make sure that he doesn’t hang up until I get back,” Mats whispered, although with Lewy’s condition he probably should’ve shouted. 

“Okay,” Robert replied. 

Marco took the phone before Mats vacated the room to try and put a stop to this if he could. Then he realised he couldn’t, as much as he wanted to. This was Marco’s fight. But Mats would keep him standing on two feet for as long as Marco needed. 

“Mar, what’s wrong?” Robert asked. 

“Well, we won, you nearly got hit with a flare, Mario and Mats kept having stare downs, I asked Mario to send me the video while I was in the bathroom watching my arm bleed and you know what, Robert? I couldn’t give a fuck what happens now,” Marco laughed. 

“Marco, kochanie…” Robert was at a loss for words. 

“Don’t sweetheart me, we all know where I’ll end up when somebody better comes along, because everybody is better than me. I’m nothing.” Marco spat. 

“That’s not true, Marco, and you know it. I love you and have loved you for nearly as long as I’ve known you. You can’t stop a storm, but you can live in the eye for a thousand years,” Robert emphasised. 

“But then the second the eye passes, everything gets worse. Just accept it, Robert, I shouldn’t be here or Munich or on any football team,” Marco said bitterly as he wiped a tear away. He was so close to breaking, and Robert knew it. 

“Marco, kochanie, day or night I will do whatever you want me to do. I need you to be strong for me, just for six days, and then we’ll be back together and you can tell me everything,” Robert promised. 

“Lewy,” Marco cried, “I love you, please don’t leave, even if I get to be too much.” 

“I’m never going to leave you, kochanie. Day or night, text me, and as soon as I see it I’ll text or call you back. Mar, I need you to talk to Mats as well, and maybe anybody else that you trust. Bottling it all up won’t help anybody. And if you don’t feel comfortable telling me or Mats, why not Manu or Thomas? You know that each and every one of us loves you in a particular way; to them, you’re family, and you know what you mean to me,” Robert reminded Marco, as his tears fell harder. 

“But what if they think I’m lying?” 

“You have the evidence, Marco; you said you asked for the video, so show it to them along with all the texts.” 

Marco quickly wiped the back of his hand over his eyes when he saw Mats leaning against the wall. 

“Alright, I’m gonna go, Mats is back. Bądź bezpieczny,” Marco sighed. 

“You butchered that,” Robert joked. “Kocham Cię.” 

Marco smiled softly for a minute before he hung up and handed the phone back to its owner. 

“You feel better?” 

“Honestly, no. It’s not a matter of getting better, so much as learning to deal with it.” 

“That’s just it, Mar, talking to people will help you in the long. Remember that, no matter how much you hate it. To me, or to Lewy - it doesn’t matter, as long as you talk. Or maybe even talk to Jogi, or Manu?” 

“I’m not telling Jogi,” Marco frowned. “Manu, yes, but what about Thomas? He and Mario were close while he was at Bayern.” 

“Thomas will pick the right side,” Mats reassured him. 

“But I don’t want it to be picking sides. As much as I don’t like him, we still have to play with him.” 

“Why? I can name five players that are better than him at the moment. It’s almost as though he doesn’t care when he wears the jersey,” Mats scowled. 

“Because he’s the reason you won the World Cup,” Marco replied bitingly. 

“Only after an amazing cross from André, but you don’t see anybody giving him credit.” 

“Can we just go to dinner?” Marco asked, and Mats nodded without argument. 

The dinner was unusually quiet after such an exciting win. Marco felt eyes on him as he pushed his dinner around his plate; he really didn’t want to eat. He slowly picked at his food, but it was almost as if he was forcing it down. 

Jogi stood up. 

“It was an exquisite win. Most of you showed quality on the field, especially the younger players. I think most of us will be happy to have such bright and prosperous understudies.” Joachim Löw was not the best at giving speeches, as one could easily guess. 

“Jogi, just…no.” Manu shook his head, and the coach sat down. 

Marco couldn’t wait for international break to be over; he wanted to get back to Lewy so much.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this chapter and thank you to Eafay70 for betaing this.

Marco stood outside of the door of Robert’s house, shaking with guilt and fear. None of his thoughts had left him after the night of the game against San Marino. The days had passed at a snail’s pace, made worse by the fact that he wasn’t selected for the game against Italy, even though he understood Jogi’s reasoning. The blond unlocked the door with the key Robert had given him a week before international break. The smell of freshly brewed coffee hit him the second he walked in. Marco’s breath caught in his throat at the sight of Robert sitting on the sofa, absent-mindedly scrolling away on his phone. The blond cleared his throat, and shining blue eyes met his own. 

“Marco,” Lewy breathed out as he got up and hugged Marco, cradling his head. 

Everything that Marco had built up inside of him - the anger and hatred at Mario and at himself - was released. Robert was squeezing him into himself. 

“I was so scared, Lewy, how are you feeling?” Marco asked, his voice broken and hoarse. 

“I’m fine, what about you? I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but can you tell me what happened?” Robert requested as he kissed the side of Marco’s head. 

“Can I sit down?” Marco asked. 

It was at that moment that Robert felt his heart break into a million pieces. Somehow, he brought Marco impossibly close to him. Marco breathed in the scent of the Pole’s aftershave and felt safe. 

“Of course you can,” Robert smiled reassuringly as he laced their fingers together. 

They sat on the sofa, Marco poker straight and with an iron grip on Lewy’s hand. Marco told Robert everything, from Mats and Mario’s staredowns to the video. Robert watched the video. The whole thing was over in forty-six seconds; such a short amount of time was holding Marco hostage in his own life. Marco told him about the bathroom incident as the blond tugged on the sleeves of his jumper. Robeet smiled sadly and gave Marco’s hand a squeeze. 

“Don’t patronise me, Robert. I know I fucked up, how do you think I feel?” Marco spat bitterly. 

“Mar, it’s okay. I’m not going to try and say I know how you feel, because I don’t. Do you know what I do know?” Robert asked, his voice so full of concern and love. 

“What?” Marco wondered. He was now bent over, his elbows digging into his legs. 

“I know that you’re wonderful, brave and beautiful. You care so much about other people, even when you’re breaking on the inside, and that’s just one of the many things I love about you,” Robert announced happily. 

“What else do you love about me?” Marco whimpered before Robert pulled him onto his lap. 

This seemed to be their preferred seating arrangement when they had this type of conversation: Marco had his head buried into Robert’s neck, just so he didn’t have to see the look of disappointment that Robert didn’t have in his eyes. 

“Well, I love your smile and your eyes. I love that whenever I say I love you in Polish, you blush a little. I love the fact that you are trying to learn Polish just to talk to me. I love the fact that whenever I see you, I get happier. Do you understand what I’m saying, Marco?” Robert asked, and Marco shook his head. 

“It means that I love you so much and we’ll get through this. I don’t know when, but we will get through this,” Robert promised before he caught Marco’s chin between his fingers and kissed him senseless. 

Marco had twisted on Robert so he was resting with his knees on either side of Robert. His hand was tangled in Robert’s dark silky hair as he pulled away quickly. 

“Show me how much I mean to you,” Marco requested, and Robert smiled before he kissed him again. 

“Are you sure?” Robert had been hesitant before, mainly due to Marco’s current predicament. 

Marco nodded and kissed Lewy before he stood up and dragged Robert to the Pole’s bedroom, leaving behind their discarded jackets and shoes. Robert pushed Marco onto the bed before he leaned over the blond, kissing him breathless as he worked their jeans and briefs off. Robert slowly kissed down Marco’s hard chest and licked around the base of the blond’s erection before he moved down to Marco’s inner thighs, kissing, licking and sucking until there were red marks visible. Marco was whimpering as he rolled his hips, looking for some sort of friction. 

“Easy,” Robert whispered in Marco’s ear before he bit at the lobe. “We’re only getting started.” 

Marco whined once again as Robert ghosted a hand around his hardness and searched for condoms and lube in the dresser. Marco was rolling his hips into Robert’s hand, seeking release as the blue-eyed man popped the cap and drizzled the cold thick liquid over his fingers and Marco’s hole. Marco cursed as one of Robert’s fingers dipped into the rim, moving and twisting. The Pole used his mouth to cover the sound of the moans and noises that Marco let out. 

“An-another,” Marco stuttered, and Lewy granted his request. 

Soon enough, Marco was on the edge of coming - when Robert pulled out his fingers. Marco whined at the loss, and Robert chuckled before he kissed him again. Robert jerked himself a few times before he put a few drops of lube in his hand and spread it over himself. He then rolled on the condom, followed by more lube. Gently, Robert eased himself into Marco’s right entrance. 

“Fuck, Lewy,” Marco moaned before he yanked Robert down for another hard kiss. 

Robert used this time to fully bury himself into Marco. The blond bit Robert’s lip every time the blunt head of his cock would brush past his prostate. Robert wasn’t ashamed of how short it was before he was ready to come and Marco was as well. His think and purplish thighs were shaking, and Marco himself had a sheen of sweat. 

“I’m so close, Lewy, please,” Marco begged as Robert went harder. 

Robert gave Marco’s cock a few jerks, and soon the blond came, the sticky substance in thick ribbons on his stomach and chest. Oh but Robert, Robert would swear that nothing could be better than this, the way he could feel every muscle in Marco tighten around him. Lewy pulled out of Marco and discarded the condom from his softening cock. Marco was yawning as Robert wiped his orgasm away with a cloth before he kissed the blond again. 

“Kocham Cię piękna.” Robert smiled as he rubbed his nose with Marco’s. 

“I love you too. Thank God we don’t have training tonight, I’d die,” Marco grinned sleepily. 

“Go to sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up,” Robert promised as he kissed Marco’s nose. 

Within minutes the blond was asleep, safely nestled in Robert’s arms and a thin fleece over both of them.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Eafay70 for betaing and bring just an all round awesome person

Robert watched the tackle as Mario went straight into Marco’s ankles. The whistle blew – the match was over, and Bayern had lost. But Marco wasn’t getting up. Robert ran to Marco, who was surrounded by his current and former teammates, every single player throwing Götze dirty looks. Fair enough, the match had been a bit rough, but that tackle was uncalled for and poorly timed. 

“Are you alright, Marco?” Auba asked, and Marco nodded briefly. 

“I think I just knocked it a bit,” Marco muttered. 

“You mean, he knocked it.” Several of the Bayern and Dortmund players cast more scathing looks at Mario, who shrugged. 

“C’mon.” Robert held out a hand, and Marco pulled himself up on it, limping a bit as he walked. 

“I’m going to kill him. I’ll break his two legs and see how he likes it,” Mats spat as he supported Marco. 

“Not here.” Robert motioned to the cameras before Marco broke away from them. 

“I can walk, it’s not that bad,” the blond protested as he walked, in pain, to the dressing room of a place he once called home. 

Marco was considerably slower than the rest of the team, but they all understood; even without the injury, Marco didn’t really want to leave. Mats, Robert, Thomas and Manu were with him, Thomas trying to convince Manu that none of this was his fault, which it wasn’t. Suddenly, a head that the five of them would recognise anywhere walked in. In a second, Mats had him pinned up against the tiled wall. 

“Fuck you! I swear Götze, lay a finger on him ever again and I will end you!” Mats growled. It took both Manu and Thomas to pull the enraged defender off of the midfielder. 

“I just came to see if he was alright. I have something I want to give him.” Mario threw a DVD case at the blond with a smirk. 

Lewy was standing beside him with an arm wrapped protectively around his shoulder, and Marco melted into it. The two of them had an idea about what would be on that disc. 

“You’re fucking him? Seriously?” Mario was enraged, but also hurt. 

“It doesn’t matter who I’m with, Mario, you’re not going to be a part of it,” Marco spat. 

“But, but, I love you.” Mario frowned. 

“In all fairness, Götze, if you love somebody, you don’t go around tormenting them for months and threatening to ruin their lives. At one stage, I was willing to forgive you, but now? Fuck you.” Marco grinned maliciously. 

“You’ll regret this, Reus, and everyone of you in this room, do you understand me?” Mario threatened. 

“Go ahead, Mario, you’ve ruined my fucking life enough as it is,” Marco laughed coldly. He was done with everything. 

Mario turned and fled the room, trying and failing to hold back tears of unrequited love, but Marco simply felt relieved. Lewy put his other arm around Marco, who buried his head into Robert’s shoulder as the Pole kissed the top of his head. 

“I want my hundred euros, thank you very much,” Thomas squealed, causing Marco and Lewy to turn to the three others. 

“You had a bet?” Marco asked, outraged, as he broke away from Lewy. 

“Yeah, eh, we can talk about this later, when you explain what the fuck just happened,” Manu added. 

“They’ll kill us, can we hurry up?” Mats asked as he slung his bag over his shoulder. 

The others followed suit except for Robert, who grabbed Marco’s bag and helped the younger man hobble out to the bus, where all of his teammates were waiting. A few of them gave him pity glances, and Carlo caught his arm. 

“We’ll get you checked out at the hotel.” The Italian smiled comfortingly as Marco took a seat with Robert. Manu and Thomas took the seats behind them, and Mats sat nearby. 

“We’ll find a way to sort out everything,” Robert promised as he stroked Marco’s hand, the DVD case on his lap. 

“You and I both know what’s on that disc. Did you not see the look of pure hatred in his eyes? Robert, I’ve just fucked everything up, again. How can you still say that you don’t see how much of a failure I am?” Marco whisper-shouted. 

Everybody around them had either headphones or earphones in. Robert rolled his eyes and kissed Marco, leaving the blond pink and calm. 

Later, they were in the hotel room. Marco had just come back from the physio and was now with Robert on one bed, with Manuel, Thomas and Mats on the other. Marco put the disc in the laptop’s drive. Sure enough the video played. 

“So, let me get this straight. Mario, who is apparently in love with you, has been threatening to out you? Talk about messed up,” Manu asked and Mats, Robert and Marco nodded. 

“Well, if earlier was anything to go by, he’s being a prick. If you care about somebody at all, you want to see them happy, even if that means them not being with you.” Thomas smiled as he looked at Manu. 

“I feel so left out on the affection,” Mats joked. 

“But really, Marco, don’t worry about it. Mario wouldn’t do it, I think.” Manuel didn’t sound so sure. 

“Everybody has their breaking point, Manu. I’ve just about reached mine, Mario’s well and truly gone past his,” the blond muttered as he rubbed his ankle. 

“What did the physio say?” Thomas asked, his brows knitted together. 

“I won’t be going to Moscow with you, but other than that, just ice it and rest before light training,” Marco replied. 

“Just another bump in the road.” Manu gave him a look. 

“Yeah, I think I’ll call the road company, there’s probably more tar in my lungs than on my lovely road.” Marco laughed, forced and fake, another thing he’d grown accustomed to. 

That was the main thing Marco hated about this whole situation: he had gotten so good at lying that he didn’t know what was the truth and what wasn’t. But then again, Marco had begun to understand the saying, those who have lost the most will do anything to make somebody else happy. Marco lived by those words. He loved the way that Thomas laughed at his jokes and the way Manu would go on about his hair. He loved Mats because Mats understood him and didn’t try to change a thing about him; as far as Marco was concerned, he probably wouldn’t be here without Mats. But Robert was the real king. Marco trusted Robert wholeheartedly and believed every word that the Pole said. He lived for the way that Robert would hold him at his worst moments, and the way that Robert would be beside him at his proudest moments. In his thinking, Marco missed the fact that Manu, Thomas and Mats had left. 

“We’ll figure this out. Kocham Cię piękna,” Robert whispered before he kissed Marco’s neck softly. 

With those words, Marco would sleep soundly; that small rational part of his mind knew that Robert would never leave him, even if the rest of his body told him the opposite.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By now, I think you all know the drill. Thank you Eafay70 for betaing

Days passed after the incident in Dortmund. Bayern had lost in Moscow, which left a bitter taste in both Marco’s and Manuel’s throat as they wondered if things could’ve been different. Matches passed, with Marco playing nearly every one. They recorded straight wins, and then the match against Darmstadt came. The team at the bottom of the table was a thorn in their side the entire match until finally Costa broke them with what Marco could’ve called one of the best goals he’d ever seen. It wasn’t as though the blond had scored much since he came back, but if he was honest he just loved having the ball at his feet. 

“Good game, you played well out there,” Thomas grinned one they were finished in the showers. 

Marco grunted in response. He hadn’t been the most social of people in the past two weeks. The ones who knew what was happening tried to pick up his spirt; no matter how hard they tried, it didn’t work. None of them knew how many times per night Marco was waking up, catching his breath and trying to stop himself from hurting himself more. None of them knew how long he spent walking with Buster in the middle of the night, no matter the weather. What was making it even worse was the fact that Robert wasn’t speaking to him, and his heart was shattering. His body had lied to him when it said that Robert wouldn’t leave him; look where he was now. 

After a long day of traveling Marco collapsed on the sofa. The match was against Leipzig and, for Bayern, it was the decider. This was their last chance to prove that they were keeping their titles. But in reality, Marco sat and stared at the blank television screen mounted on his wall. It was as if everything snapped inside of him. He threw his phone and listened as it smashed into a hundred tiny shards. Marco saw his reflection in the blank television screen; his eyes were red and puffy from the lack of sleep and the tears that were falling. His arms were on fire, but Marco didn’t care; the sting just matched everything else that pained him. He was hurting, and he couldn’t remember the last time that he slept soundly. 

‘That’s a lie, the last time I slept soundly was when I was in Robert’s arms,’ Marco thought before he squeezd his eyes shut. 

That memory was just too painful to bear, but little did he know what was happening downstairs in Mats’ apartment. 

* 

“What’s up?” Robert asked as he walked through the door. 

“What the fuck are you playing at?” Mats shouted. 

“If I came here to be shouted at like a child, goodbye,” Robert growled before he turned around. A hand on his shoulder stopped him. 

“Why have you been ignoring Marco? It’s killing him on the inside, he looks like he hasn’t slept in days. It’s affecting how he plays,” Mats sighed. 

“You don’t think I know that? You think I like the fact I’ve probably lost his trust? I hate it, Mats, and I hate myself for doing it to him, but it’s for him,” Robert argued. 

“For him? Yeah, I’m sure he’s loving his present,” Mats muttered. 

“Well, it might be the one thing that’s saving his fucking career from that dickhead,” Robert spat as he pulled out his phone. 

A minute later the Pole shoved it into Mats’ face, and the blond read the text. 

‘Drop him or I drop the tape,’ Mats read. “Does he think he’s some hipster? Drop the tape?” 

“He called me as well and said that I better stay away from Marco or the tape would be released. Do you see what I’m doing?” Robert asked. 

“I can, but that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing. Look, go upstairs and explain that to Marco. Lewy, I’ve never seen him as happy as he was before the Dortmund match, at least not in a long time. He loves you and I know you love him. I’ll give you this warning once: If you ever think about letting Mario motherfucking Götze win, you won’t like what I’ll do to you,” Mats threatened as he threw a key at the Pole. 

Robert nodded as he left. He fiddled with the key in the door until it finally opened. Marco was asleep on the sofa, twitching fitfully, his hand dug into his arm. Tears stained his cheeks and Robert saw the damage that he had inflicted upon himself. That was when the Poland captain saw Marco’s phone on the floor, its screen cracked and broken. Robert’s heart tugged; he was the cause of this. Even if Mario was the root, Robert caused this, all because he thought he was being smart and caring, ignoring Marco to try and protect him. In reality Robert just about broke Marco down to nothing. 

“I hate you,” Marco whimpered in his sleep as his fingers dug deeper. 

Robert wanted to cry, and it took a lot to get Robert to that point. He sat on the sofa and tried to rearrange Marco so his hands were away from each other. Robert kissed his cheek and forehead more times than he could count before Marco woke up. The blond whimpered pitifully as he tried to move closer. 

“I thought you didn’t want to deal with all of this anymore.” 

“I’m sorry, I thought I was helping you. He told me to stay away from you. I’m sorry,” Robert whispered as he tucked his chin over Marco’s head. 

“What do you mean?” Marco asked, his voice cracking. 

“Mario texted me and told me to leave you or he’d release the tape,” Robert explained. 

“Lewy, you’re more important to me than my career. I’m sick and tired of Mario dictating what I can and can’t do. Can I have your phone for a minute?” 

Robert pulled out his phone and gave it to Marco, who dialed a number and called it. 

“Listen, Sunny.” The nickname was spat out with so much hatred. “Your little game didn’t work. So go ahead and release the tape, fuck it. ‘Cause I’ve had it up to here with you. Do you know that sometimes I’ve thought about just packing it all in? And I mean everything. But I have people who care enough to fight in my corner,” Marco announced. 

“You mean those three people? I’d out the lot of them. Because Marco, if I can’t have you, nobody can.” 

“Leave them out of this, Mario; they have nothing to do with it. If you even knew what love was, you’d know that it means you want to make people happy. I am happy, Mario. For the first time since that video was taken, I’m fucking happy, so go ahead and ruin it all. You can live with that for the rest of your life. You think I’m going to stop playing football because I’m gay? Newsflash, it’s 2016, for fuck’s sake. Let those bigoted idiots say whatever they want,” Marco muttered down the line. 

Mario hung up without saying a word. Marco called another number; the person answered on the second ring. 

“What’s up, Lewy?” Manu asked. 

“It’s Marco, how fast could you get over to Mats’? We have to discuss something very important.” 

“Twenty minutes?” 

“I’ll see you then.” Marco hung up and handed the phone to its owner. 

“I’m proud of you,” Lewy whispered. 

“I’m going to take a shower and change; go down to Mats and do not say a word until I get there, understand?” Marco questioned before he kissed Lewy. “And Robert? Try to save me like that again and I will kill you.” 

“Got it,” Robert smiled before he kissed Marco fiercely. 

Twenty-five minutes later, Marco was downstairs. Buster greeted him at the door; the dog had been staying with Mats’ brother while they were away. 

“Eh, I called Mario. Politely told him to fuck off and leave me alone and then he dropped a bombshell. He told Lewy here to stay away from me, not going to happen. I told him I’d have people to fight in my corner, he basically threatened to out the three of you as well as me,” Marco explained. 

“Go on then, we have nothing to hide,” Thomas announced as he wrapped an arm around Manu. 

“Can I just point out that it’s him against us? He has no real evidence that any of us are gay except for Marco. So what would happen if the video got deleted?” Mats asked. 

“Mario probably has copies stashed everywhere,” Robert answered. 

“Well if he releases the video and outs us, you think Jogi will bring him back? What are the three rules?” Manu smirked. 

“If in a relationship, do not let it affect you, do not cause any harm to anybody else, and do not divulge personal information about the team,” recited Thomas. “He breaks every single one of those rules. You’re not suggesting what I think you are?” 

Robert was still shocked about the fact they had those three rules, but then he heard Manu say five words that could change everything. 

“Why don’t we call Jogi?” 

“That’s not a bad idea,” Mats announced. “I mean, the one thing nearly every player wants is to be called up to the national team. It’s a bit backhanded, but you know Jogi. He’s like a father to everybody, Mario would listen to him.” 

“Plus, Manuel’s captain,” Thomas reminded them. 

“It’s up to you,” Robert said as he looked at Marco. 

“Let’s call Jogi.”


	15. Chapter 15

Marco sat patiently, staring at the phone. Robert was beside him, pulling the blond close, while Manu, Mats and Thomas occupied the opposite sofa. They had called Jogi, but he hadn’t been able to talk long and said that he would ring them in half an hour; that had been forty-three minutes ago. Finally Mats’ annoying ringtone rang, Marco picked it up in an instant.

“Hello, yeah I’m going to put you on speaker. I’m here with Manuel, Thomas, Mats and Robert,” Marco explained as he pressed the function.

“Now, what is all of this about?” Jogi asked.

So Marco explained absolutely everything. Manu, Thomas and Robert stared at him. They had hardly known the tip of the iceberg, and Marco had just laid himself bare. Now, Joachim Löw was not the type of person one would want to piss off; he could make things very difficult with the various things that he would do. The older coach was very protective of his squad, so naturally he was horrified.

“He did that?”

“Every single bit of it, but now he’s threatening to out Manu and Thomas, as well as Benni and Mats and probably any other player that takes my side.”

“Good luck with that,” Löw muttered darkly. “I presume if I called him, it would make things worse?”

“Yes, we’ve figured that the only thing Mario cares about now is maintaining his innocence, which means that he’ll deny everything, but we have the proof. Marco has the video, and he sent it to Lewy as well,” Mats explained.

“Then I don’t see what I can do,” Jogi sighed sadly.

“I know you can’t do anything personally, Jogi, but I just thought you should know. I won’t let it affect my performance, I can still play with him,” Marco mumbled.

“I know you will, Marco. There is one thing I can think of, but I can hardly seeing anybody agreeing to it.”

“What is it?” Thomas asked.

“We arrange a meeting on neutral ground: the five of you, myself and Mario. I’ll call him and set up the meeting, and then I’ll call you with the details. Marco, don’t worry, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you stay safe, all of you,” Jogi vowed.

“Thanks, boss,” Marco smiled softly as he scratched behind Buster’s ear.

Jogi hung up. For a few minutes, they just sat there, staring at the phone, before Thomas sauntered to the kitchen. He returned with three bowls and a bag of crisps.

“Did you just rob me, Mülli?” Mats rose a perfectly groomed eyebrow.

“I’m giving you some of it. We’ll be here a while.” Thomas grinned at Marco before he poured the chips into the bowls and handed them over.

“Does eating healthly not mean anything to you?” Manuel asked.

“Can you forget that you’re captain and vice-captain and just eat the junk?” Mats joked.

“No,” said Thomas. “You see, Manu allows himself two things: Nutella, as you all know -”

“Shut it, Müller, I do not think we need to be reminded of that ad,” Mats grimaced.

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, Manu allows himself two things: Nutella and vanilla ice cream,” Thomas explained.

“It’s not the only vanilla thing that he likes,” Robert laughed, making Marco choke.

“What he’s saying is, my beloved idiot ate my ice cream and Nutella, at once!” Manuel exclaimed.

Thomas rolled his eyes and shoved a crisp into Manu’’s mouth. They sat around for the next hour trading stories and eating anything chocolaty that Mats had, so basically everything Mats had. When the phone rang, Marco bit his lip, answered and put it on loud speaker.

“He agreed: the 29th of the month. I’m forwarding you the address of the hotel in Dortmund. I’ve gone ahead and booked the room,” Löw explained.

“You make it sound so dirty,” Thomas joked.

“Neuer, shut him up,” Jogi basically whined.

“Manage to shut Thomas Müller up? That will never happen.”

“So, who’s going on a road trip after Christmas?” Mats asked.

“All of us, obviously; Mario dragged us into it, he can dig himself out of it,” Manu spoke.

“Yes, well, he doesn’t know you’re coming, so keep it that way. And nobody outside of the six of us and him know, keep that the way it is also,” Jogi said before he hung up.

“Well, that is going to be great fun,” Robert enthused sarcastically.

“Can we just focus on training tomorrow and playing Leipzig?” Marco asked.

“Oh yeah, we’ll beat them,” Mats frowned, “and I have to do horrible things to my hair.”

“It’s not our fault you lost a bet at Oktoberfest. We’re going to head off, we’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Don’t try and ring me, my phone is in a few pieces up there,” Marco giggled. 

Marco was looking forward to the last match of 2016. He knew that Bayern needed to win to show everybody that they meant business, but he was going into the match with a clear head for the first time in a long time. Even though he’d be on the bench with Thomas, it just meant that he could watch Robert, as creepy as it sounded. He and Thomas were wrapped in one of the huge thick blankets to fight off the penetrating cold as they watched the crunching tackle on Fips.

“Careless, they haven’t got a hope of coming back from that,” Thomas muttered as he looked down to Manu, who really hadn’t had much to do during the first half.

“Don’t tempt fate, Thomas,” Marco grinned.

“It took us a while, but now we’re back and ready to stay that way.”

The match passed quickly, and the next thing Marco knew, he was watching Robert put the penalty in the corner and his heart warmed. The second half passed without much bother and then the final whistle blew: three-nil, silencing all of the people who had said that Xabi didn’t deserve a spot.

Robert hugged Marco as they walked into the tunnel. He kissed his cheek once they were out of sight of the cameras.

“Kocham Cię,” Robert whispered.

“Kocham Cię kochanie,” Marco replied happily.

“We’ll do this,” Robert promised as he gave Marco a squeeze.

For.the first time, Marco believed what was being said to him wholeheartedly, and the younger man relished in it.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Eafay70.

Christmas came and went in a blur of happiness for Marco. He had just arrived back to his apartment after spending the holiday with his mum. Mats and his brother had been godsends when it came to Buster; Marco’s furry baby was with Mats and would stay there with Mats’ dog while the friends went to Dortmund the next day. Manu, Thomas and Robert were all sleeping at Mats’ just because of how early they would be leaving. After a quick shower, Marco went down to Mats’, where he found the four men lying around the living room watching something on Netflix. 

“You know, you’re very lucky I like you,” Thomas grumbled. 

“What have I done now?” Marco asked as he sat on Lewy and robbed a few Skittles. 

“I have to be awake at six in the morning.” 

“Eh blame Jogi, he’s the one that set all of this up,” Marco grinned. 

“No, Jogi Löw is a scary man sometimes, you’re like a little puppy with your poofy hair,” Thomas giggled. 

“Is he drunk?” Mats asked, his golden beauty sleeping peacefully on his lap. 

“Not that I know of. Can we all just go to sleep? it’s already 12, and have any of you ever dealt with a tired Thomas Müller? He’s a thing of nightmares.” Manu sighed before Thomas tried - and failed - to punch him. 

“Stupid reflexes,” Thomas grumbled before he yawned. 

Not long afterwards, everybody went to sleep – but not before Mats set about fifty alarms to make sure they were up in time. 

Marco was the last to wake the next morning. Lewy was wafting freshly brewed coffee under his nose, and Marco took it gratefully. He downed the bitter liquid before he got up and changed in the bathroom. Finally they shoved themselves into the car after debating who was the tallest. Manu and Mats were in the front, with Thomas, Lewy and Marco in the back. The blond was sitting at a weird angle so he was resting more on Robert than on the car seat. Around halfway through the journey they took the opportunity to refill the car and stretch their legs. Once they set off again Thomas produced a bag full of drinks and food. 

“What the fuck?” Mats asked as he looked in the mirror. 

“You actually thought he’d last nearly seven hours without food?” Robert asked sceptically. 

“I’m bored. Who wants to play a game of never have I ever?” Thomas asked with a mouth full of Skittles. 

“Fine, just nothing too dramatic, I want to survive the drive,” Manu muttered. 

“How do you even play never have I ever without drinks?” Marco wondered. 

“Take the Lucozade; this is the Caribbean crush flavour. If you’ve done it, you have to take a little bit,” Thomas explained as he handed all of them except Manuel a clear plastic cup. 

Thankfully they made it to the hotel in one piece. They went to the room number that Löw had texted and waited to be let in. Mario hadn’t arrived yet. 

“He’ll be here in about five minutes,” Jogi announced as he pulled the chairs to one side of the long table, leaving one on the other side for Mario. Robert showed Jogi the video before Mario arrived. When the young man arrived, he shot Jogi a look but sat down nonetheless. 

“What can I do for you?” he asked with a fake sweetness. 

“What are the rules?” Löw asked. 

“If in a relationship, do not let it affect you, do not cause any harm to anybody else, and do not divulge personal information about the team,” Mario said. 

“Now, if you released a video outing one of your teammates, that breaks two rules,” Jogi reminded him. 

“I’m surprised he went to you with it - so much for fighting your own battles, Marco. What, did he give you his version of events, and did they tell you that Hummels assaulted me in the locker room?” 

“Assaulted you? You could’ve broken both his ankles,” Mats spat, anger flaring. 

“Hummels,” Jogi said sternly, and Mats sank back into his seat. 

Robert’s hand found Marco’s under the table, and the Pole interlocked their fingers. 

“For your information, they told me everything - and before you try and deny anything, I want you to know that I’ve seen the evidence.” 

Mario’s eyes widened, before he bit his lip. 

“And what do you want me to do about it? I though he was a big boy and could fight his own battles,” Mario laughed. 

“I brought you here because what you’re doing is wrong. You’ve threatened four of my players and Robert, and I don’t take kindly to that. You remember what happened to Zieler, yes?” Jogi reminded him cooly. 

“Seriously though, why did you even start all of this?” Thomas asked. 

“That’s none of your business,” Mario growled. 

“Can’t you see? He was so madly in love with me that he wanted to see me broken rather than happy,” Marco announced as he pulled up his sleeves, showing the scars that he would be left with as a constant reminder. “You caused these, Mario, and I nearly let you win. Then I realised you weren’t worth it.” 

“I didn’t know,” Mario whimpered. 

“Of course you didn’t; you were too busy tormenting me to give a shit. Do you know what I find laughable about this whole situation?” Marco wondered. 

“What?” Mario asked, his voice creaking. 

“You could’ve just spoken to me, but you had to go and make it this huge thing, and then threatened Mats, Manu, Thomas and Benni? Yeah, Benni knows, too.” 

Mario squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t want to cause any of this, he just wanted Marco. Jogi sharer a look with the five players. 

“What do you want me to do?” Mario asked. 

“Delete it,” Marco requested. 

“What do I get if I get rid of it?” Mario asked, his demeanor changing rapidly. 

“Nothing. Any sort of friendship that we could’ve had is well and gone, Mario. You have to accept that I don’t want anything to do with you,” Marco said calmly. 

Mario fiddled with his phone for a minute before he replied. 

“Well, this has been lovely. I don’t lose, Marco, especially not to him.” 

“What have I ever done to you?” Robert asked. 

“You took him from me.” 

The three Bayern players had to stifle a laugh while Marco and Robert dropped their jaws in disbelief. 

“Oh get over yourself, Götze, you’re not twelve,” Jogi sighed. 

“Whatever, I have to get going. It was lovely seeing you all again,” Mario laughed as he walked out of the door. 

Suddenly his head popped back in. “Enjoy the evening.” 

Marco’s stomach dropped. His mind flashed to a hundred scenarios as his phone began to buzz in his pocket. The blond searched for the TV remote and turned on Sky News. 

“I’m going to wring his fucking short neck,” Manuel growled. 

“I’ll get there first,” Mats spat. 

Marco turned and closed his eyes. He felt a warm pair of lips on his forehead, but his stomach was still in knots. Tears were biting at the corners of his eyes, but Marco didn’t let them fall. Robert’s hand cradled his head to his chest as the blond felt more people surround him. 

“He actually did it,” Jogi said, flabbergasted. 

“I’ll tell you something: Mario Götze better watch himself the next time we take to the pitch together. I will break his two legs and make sure he never plays again,” Thomas vowed as they pulled away. 

Marco still had his eyes closed, but continued listening to the reporter as Robert rocked them. 

“In the clip, it appears that German international Marco Reus is confirming his homosexuality. He is the second German player to come out after Thomas Hitzlsperger. If you want to get involved in the conversation, please text the number at the bottom of your screen. Charges may apply.” 

Mats whipped out his phone, tapped out a quick text and sent it in to them. 

“We have our first comment: ‘Does it look like this guy knew what he was saying? He probably didn’t even know he was being filmed. This is sickening.’ That’s from Erwin.” 

“Mats,” Manu scolded. 

“What? It’s the truth; it’s not like they know who I am,” the defender said in his own defence. 

“Another viewer has tweeted, saying: ‘You could tell by the look of him.’ Jemma from Liverpool says, ‘Does it matter? It’s nearly 2017, the lad can kick a ball.” 

Of course, not everybody was pleased with the news. Marco’s stomach turned fitfully when he heard the next one. 

“I hope other gay athletes come out and leave the sport. There’s no place for fairies in a game for men. His poor teammates - nobody is safe with his lot.” 

“For your information, half of his fucking teammates are gay as well!” Thomas screamed. 

“Turn it off,” Jogi commanded. Someone – Marco didn’t know who – followed the coach’s orders. 

The older man walked over and placed a hand on Marco’s trembling shoulder. Marco turned to face the coach, half of his head smashed against Robert’s chest and the Pole’s finger digging through his hair. 

“I’ll call a press conference for two days from now, okay? I’ll get them to go down to Munich, I’ll be with you if you want?” Jogi said softly. 

Marco nodded before he buried his head into Lewy’s chest again. 

“You know we’re with you too, Marco,” Manuel promised as he kissed the top of Thomas’s head. 

Marco just wished that the ground would swallow him whole. To him, that was the tipping point.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Eafay70 for betaing the majority of this story for me Nd for all of the people who left kudos and comments. But unfortunately this will be the te last chapter and I hope you enjoy it

It was the morning of the press conference, and Marco hadn’t slept in two days. He had barely eaten a thing and was sick with worry. Sure, a lot, if not the majority, of the comments he had read had been positive. Although those nasty, hateful comments cut deeper than any knife could. The blond had showered and made himself look presentable before Robert drove him to the hotel. 

“I’ll be waiting for you. You know if I could be in there with you, I would,” Robert sighed ruefully as he kissed each one of Marco’s knuckles.  
“I know. I’ll have Manu and Jogi in there, my captain and my coach,” Marco replied as he dropped his head to Robert’s shoulders. 

“Będzie dobrze kochanie. Nigdy nie zamierzam pozwolić ci odejść,” Robert promised. 

“I don’t know what you just said, but I love you so much. I need you so much,” Marco whispered as Robert kissed his hair. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. Ever,” Robert promised. 

“I know. You’ll be out here waiting for me?” 

“Where else would I be?” Robert asked as he kissed Marco. “Go.” 

Marco left the car and walked through the hotel until he found the conference room that the publicist had booked. The second Marco walked in, cameras started flashing. There was a space for Marco to sit between Manuel and Jogi. 

“This is the official announcement from Marco Reus. Questions will be taken at the end. Please be respectful of the player’s privacy,” Jogi announced. 

Suddenly, the entire speech Marco had prepared was thrown to the wind. He looked at all of the reporters from different papers and news channels. 

“I’m sure by now, all of you have seen the video. I’m not going to sit here and try to deny anything you heard me say, but what many of you probably don’t know is the fact that the video was taken without my consent or knowledge. For everybody out there that seems to think that being gay makes you less of a football player, I’ve done just fine for myself and will continue to do what I do best. I think that it’s a shame that you are all vying for blood, simply because I’m gay. Now I believe Mr. Löw has a few words for you,” Marco said proudly, a weight lifted off of his shoulders. 

“The DFB will be here for Marco during this time, and it urges fans to not abuse players of any nature. It’s 2017, people need to stop living in the 1950s. Also, I can guarantee that these revelations will not make a difference to his career. We will now take your questions,” Jogi promised. 

“You said the video was taken without your consent, who took it?” 

“Somebody I used to trust,” Marco answered truthfully. 

“Who was it?” 

“I’m not going to divulge that information at the moment. They will be dealt with accordingly,” Jogi said. 

“How do your teammates feel about this predicament? Neuer?” 

“It doesn’t change who he is. We’ve known about it for a long time - by his choosing,” Manu added spitefully. 

The press conference dragged on for what seemed like years. Marco just wanted to get out of there. The two final questions were asked. 

“Are you in a relationship? What do you say to any other gay sportspeople out there?” 

“To anybody out there who is thinking about coming out, the choice is yours. I wished that I could’ve done it myself without the tape, but the truth is, the tape made me realise who my friends were and for that I’m thankful because I know the person who released it, is watching this,” Marco smirked. 

The reporter seemed satisfied with the answer. 

“That’s the end of the public relations, the DFB will not be making further comments on the situation. Thank you all,” Jogi announced and gave Marco the nod to leave. 

The blond walked out slowly, a sense of immense relief washing over him as he walked through the hotel lobby. Robert was true to his word: his car was parked in front of the entrance, and the Pole was watching the whole thing on his phone. 

“I’m so proud of you,” Robert grinned as he locked their fingers together. 

“I couldn’t have done it without you or Mats,” Marco replied as Robert drove them back to Mats’. 

The five of them had planned a small little party to celebrate. When Marco walked into the apartment, Thomas and Mats basically crushed him in a tight hug. Manu walked in not long after. 

“Glad that it’s all over?” Thomas asked as he sipped his beer. 

“Yeah, can’t believe it’s over. All the panicking for the last few months has been erased in a little over an hour,” Marco laughed. 

For the next hour or so, the five of them didn’t have a care in the world - until Mario called. 

“What do you want?” Marco asked, his voice defensive as he put the phone on loud speaker. 

“I’m sorry,” Mario apologised insincerely. 

“No, you’re only sorry because you lost, Mario. You’ve fucked with my life enough as it is. Will you just leave me alone?” Marco requested. 

“I thought we could try and be friends again.” 

“That’s not going to happen, Mario; you’ve dug your grave, now you can lie in it. And Mario, if you ever threaten Manu, Thomas, Mats, Benni, Lewy or anybody, you’ll be sorry. Do you understand?” Marco warned. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry, Marco, I really am. I was just being stupid and immature.” 

“You’ve realised that a bit too late,” Marco said bitingly. 

“I realise that now. Goodbye, Marco.” Mario hung up. 

Marco felt Robert’s lips against his forehead. Marco couldn’t stop the smile that graced his lips or the way his heart tugged. He was safe, he was loved and he was home. Marco was surrounded by his friends and he had Lewy by his side. The blond was looking forward to the rest of his time in Munich, something he couldn’t have said before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please know take I do take requests for for ships in the comment section, just in case you wanted something in particular.


End file.
